Posts

Summertime Fun Poem

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Oh the summertime joys Sitting on the  back deck with the dogs crawling over me letting the heat of the sun permeate my soul Listening to the tinkle of ice cream trucks jostle down the street luring neighborhood children of all ages to cool off with a sweet treat Feeling the warm wind and summer breezes comb out my humid soaked kinky hair Allowing myself to think of nothing, emptying my mind and surrendering to the enjoyment of evening light Listening to the enchanted talk of the local birds whistling, singing, hooting and pecking their way into my consciousness As I am waiting for my nightly walk or excursion to my sweet indulgence of summer of cool brightly colored ices  Enjoying the flickering of fireflies to light my way in their erratic nature As I quietly hope for Summer nights to last forever Knowing that this summer fun too shall pass until next summer's emergence as I openly flow towards cooler nights and shorter days and watching m

Being Vulnerable

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He who does not trust enough will not be trusted. -Lao Tzu We spend a great deal of our time in life protecting ourselves from perceived hurts from life and from others. Some of us take on the role of being a victim and so we go through life oversharing and being over vulnerable with others, bonding over our wounds and almost unconsciously asking to be hurt again. Others of us take on more of a role of everything being ok, and not easily asking for help and not easily sharing our true and vulnerable, underbelly selves. Neither extreme is one which is helpful to us, and yet we developed those ways of coping from our early life experiences. Which way of coping do you find yourself most resonating with?  Both ways actually keep us from being truly vulnerable in a life-affirming way. They are defenses built to protect us from hurts. Defenses could also be called fences. These fences keep others out from our hurt selves and keep us in, really not allowing our further growth and

How To Replace Shame With Acceptance

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"To realize that you do not understand is a virtue; Not to realize that you do not understand is a defect." -Lao Tzu I was reading a very long online conversation about shame, and some folks also spoke about the concept of healthy shame. I am of the mind that there is no such thing as healthy shame, but there is such a thing as shame, and there is such a thing as acceptance. When we carry shame of any kind, growth is almost not possible. Have you ever experienced feeling exposed and feeling bad about yourself? Have you ever felt that you were afraid to tell someone something about yourself; that if you did you may not be accepted? Those feelings are aspects of carrying shame. I think we all carry such feelings at some times. Hopefully, we don`t very often, and hopefully, we are able to recognize when we do and do the necessary feeling and thinking to transform our shameful feelings into acceptance of ourselves. We all make mistakes. We all unintentionally hurt people,

A Summer's Morning

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The wind is dancing through the trees The sun's heat glimmers through the leaves I watch the boughs flow and bounce with the wind and the hazy sheen from the sun’s rays as they permeate the atmosphere I can feel the sizzle begin as I watch my dog’s tongues loll and gag about as they sunbathe on the back deck There is a quiet to the day as if all is hiding out in the shade…slowly emerging to the day’s heat It is a gentle caress from the tongues of the wind on my skin, tinged with languid warmth As I begin the day by walking my dogs to greet the summers day It is Father's Day, and I feel moved to write about myself.  This blog is about my journey in appreciating my father. Father's Day; Mother's Day, are holidays to remember and celebrate our parents. When we are little, those days may not have much meaning other than making a card for them or spending some time with our often busy parents. As we get older and have children ourselves, of

The Eye of Ego

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"We must not allow other people's perceptions to define us."                                                                                                                 -Virginia Satir In the title of this blog, I spell the word, I, as eye. The way we look at the world and perceive the world and everyone and everything around us is dependent upon us and our ego. Our eye of perspective comes from our own unique, independent perspective. It is about us. It is this personification of ourselves which separates us from others. Yes, it makes us different, in a sense, and it also separates us. A bigger truth is that everyone has their own perspective and we all have egos which drive us, and most importantly, what happens or what is said by others is not usually about us, it is about the other. It is our reactions to others and events which are about us; it is our eye. I was working with a gentleman recently who is a very gentle, generous soul, and who perceives

Move Into Joy

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"We can never consent to creep when we feel the impulse to soar." -Helen Keller There is nothing like a move to challenge a relationship; actually all relationships, beginning with the one with ourselves. I am talking about any kind of a move, not just a physical one, but certainly a physical change of residence is a huge move. I just made a physical change of residence a couple of months ago, and even if you move a short distance, it is still a big change. For me, it has been interesting to watch what it stirs up in  myself. As I stayed focused on what it stirs in me, I also found I wasn’t reactive, much, to what it stirred up in my husband. As I witnessed me throughout the packing, moving, unpacking, and then trying to find things and wondering where things went and also where things go, as well as navigating through no computer and basement renovation, whew! That was quite an experience. At once I was grateful for the ability to do what I was doing and being able t

Putting The Pieces Together

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"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy." -Rumi As we learn and grow and are open to going to deep places inside in order for us to put pieces of our puzzle together, we can feel like we are a mess or in chaos. If we don`t understand what is going on we can certainly feel lost in the process as well as feel many feelings like anxiety, fear, anger and so on. We go to our default way of feeling in the world when we are reactive or triggered. If we are used to feeling angry in response to things then we are angry. If we are used to feeling anxious, then we are anxious. As we trudge along, this can feel like it takes forever to put pieces together, and then suddenly, one day, it seems as if they just suddenly make sense. It can take a long time and many years for us to be able to understand something that was said to us. There is a story one of my teachers told me which still resonates with me. She had begun facilitating family system