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Showing posts from February, 2015

Trapped In The Mirror

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The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected. -Robert Frost
Are you unable to see yourself clearly and/or to separate your self from others needs? There is a great tendency to see others through our own window. In fact, it is so prevalent that we don’t often know we are doing that; seeing others through our perspective. And, if we are used to not being seen it can be quite difficult to see us clearly, or at all. I have two stories that relate to this subject. The first story I will address in this week’s blog and the second story I will address next month. The second story deals with a woman who is so eager to help that she doesn’t realize that she is doing it for herself and sees others through her own perspective. This week’s story deals with a woman who is lost in the mirror.  In this week’s story, I was working with a woman who had not been seen by either parent. One left when she was four years old, and the other was a teenage parent already with two children and not abl…

Who Am I? Who Are You?

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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.                                                                                     -Oscar Wilde I have been on the subject of selfishness, narcissism the effects of being raised by narcissistic wounded people and how this also keeps getting passed forward to future generations. We all need to be seen and to feel like we are loved for who we are. Often this does not occur in our lives. Last week I wrote about being trapped in the mirror, seeing only a reflection of the self and wondering, who am I? This week I am writing about the opposite, which is really the same, can, we see others as separate from us?  When we are merged with a parent, or when we feel like we have to take care of a parent or their feelings, we too often lose a sense of ourselves as separate from them. We may not even realize we are doing this. We end up wondering, who am I, and who are you? In my family it was norm…

Bodies and Souls

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“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”                                                                                             -George Bernard Shaw
Have you ever had the privilege of witnessing a person or animal die? It is an amazing experience. A few months ago I was with my 13 year old Great Pyrenees as we put her to sleep. She was here one moment, and in a last breath, she was gone. You can feel the presence of one’s soul, one’s being, and you know when it is gone. If you had ever questioned the presence of our soul, witnessing the soul leave and the difference in the body before and after lets you know there is a distinct and palpable difference. Our essence lights us up.
As we live in our bodies and often don’t pay much attention to intangibles, we can easily get confused and begin to think our body is who we are. Our body houses our soul, and because it gives it a place to be, our bodies reflect what is going on within us. When we we…

Are You Selfish?

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Self absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.                                                                                     -Daniel Goleman I think we are all born selfish. We have to be for our survival. We selfishly need food and warmth and touch and love to survive and flourish. I love the word, “flourish”. To me it sounds like its meaning; to grow well, to thrive, and to prosper. I want to write this with a flourish. We need everything, and to us, the world revolves around us. In the best of worlds, our parents and caretakers sense our needs and provide them in a timely manner and with care, and most hopefully, with love. We survive and grow. There comes a time when just “taking” and just having the world revolve around us is not good enough. As we grow older, and walk and think for ourselves, and to go school, we begin to need to be aware of others and to begin to give back in some way. This giving back, or sharing, begins small and slowly grows. We…

What Do You Love?

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The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.                                                                                -Robert Frost
We all love something. What would happen if we really followed our loves instead of following what our mothers or fathers want or believe? Or following our friends or our communities or even more importantly, following our “shoulds”? Maybe we would be happier.
I would like to think that what we spend most of our lives doing are the things we enjoy and even love. Over breakfasts our family would talk about things like love and honesty and integrity. All or most of our discussions were led by my father. He was passionate about “saving” others. I don’t know if he loved it, but he certainly had a lot of energy around it. His life revolved and still does in a way, around saving and helping others; even if they didn’t ask for his help. He would say he loved helping others.
A story comes to mind that he would relate to us. When he was two years …