"When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy."
As we learn and grow and are open to going to deep places inside in order for us to put pieces of our puzzle together, we can feel like we are a mess or in chaos. If we don`t understand what is going on we can certainly feel lost in the process as well as feel many feelings like anxiety, fear, anger and so on. We go to our default way of feeling in the world when we are reactive or triggered. If we are used to feeling angry in response to things then we are angry. If we are used to feeling anxious, then we are anxious. As we trudge along, this can feel like it takes forever to put pieces together, and then suddenly, one day, it seems as if they just suddenly make sense.
It can take a long time and many years for us to be able to understand something that was said to us. There is a story one of my teachers told me which still resonates with me. She had begun facilitating family systems work in the form of Family Constellations many years ago. At that time, one of her friends had taken the workshop. Years later, the two of them were taking a walk and just talking and my teacher`s friend asked her if she remembered that workshop many years ago; thirteen in fact. My teacher said, no she didn’t remember. Her friend went on to tell her that what had transpired that day thirteen years ago finally makes sense to her.
It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, it matters that we are able to put pieces together for our growth, and the movements of our soul and our understanding have their own time frame entirely. I have a patient who, during a recent session, had a powerful aha moment. We had been talking about a dynamic regarding health and being able to take care of ourselves and when we unconsciously might take on a condition or illness so that we can be cared for in ways we were not able to be cared for when we were young. When we are little, we need our parents in such fundamental and profound ways to just survive. For some of us, when our needs to be cared for can not be met, it is such a strong need that as we grow up, there is an unconscious energy at work which creates an illness or condition where we have to be cared for. It occurs so that a young part of us can finally heal. Yet, as an adult, this type of handicap is not consciously wanted or desired, and can greatly impair our lives; on the outside looking in. This patient has had a few occasions where a physical condition made him in some ways unable to care for himself. As an adult, it played havoc with his relationship with his partner. We were discussing this in terms of how it has affected him in the relationship with his wife. All of a sudden, this made such sense to him. It impacted him in a way of deep understanding. Would he have understood this many years ago during his first bout with his condition? Most probably not; but this day all the pieces fell into place for him.
At these moments all the hard work we have been doing suddenly make sense. Is it really a sudden movement? No, that sudden feeling is a result of lots of internal churning in aligning the pieces of the puzzle in such a way that a new image or picture and perspective takes shape. It is this process which helps us to live healthy, whole and vital lives where we can be in life who we really are.
Shift Your Story, Shift Your Life:
Take a moment and close your eyes. Think of something you would like some insight into from when you were growing up. What would you like to know more about? Take your time. Then imagine yourself right smack dab in the middle of a family dynamic that you found yourself in when you were growing up. Breathe into that space while reminding you that you are just imagining. It can be any dynamic that comes to you, or any situation or event or family occasion; it doesn’t matter. Don`t force it and just let it come. It might not even make sense why this image is coming up for you. Just be with it and live it for a minute or two, but this time as an outsider looking in. You are looking into a situation that you might have found yourself in while growing up, and one in which you have asked for some insight or clarity into. Just watch and let it unfold. You are revisiting in order to be open to learning something that impacts you in your life today. After a couple of minutes come back into the present and just breathe 2 or 3 deep breaths and open your eyes. Get out a tablet or paper and write down a feeling or thought or piece of understanding or anything that you saw or felt or experienced while revisiting. See if this little piece of information helps you to put a piece of your puzzle in a different place. You can do this exercise as often as you find helpful. If nothing came to you, that is ok too. It could be very subtle, or it could just be that you can see how difficult things might have been for you.