Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Language of the Shadow

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me; and what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
                                                                                  -Robert Louis Stevenson

We all want to create a future for ourselves and our families and our communities where we can live fulfilled lives with happiness and prosperity. We want to live connected to others and yet independent. This is our true inheritance. So often this is not the future we do create. 

We often live in the shadow of our unconscious and compelled to make similar mistakes as our parents, and their parents, and so the patterns we see that keep repeating, keep repeating.

Our shadow side controls us until we can make conscious what has been hidden from us. As October rolls around each year, I am so much more aware of the colder, darker sides of us as the shorter and cooler days make their appearance. Even so, there is so much beauty in the month of October, just as there is inside of us. 

As I explore the Body Presencing model which integrates body work and Chiropractic work with Family Constellation work and brain work, I have developed a hologram. The hologram takes us on a journey from the past, where we frequently get stuck, to the present, and then to creating our future. I do this through a series of words, meditations and visualizations which help us to navigate through our internal terrain. Our future becomes one of hope, love, connection, inspiration, clarity and acceptance.

In order to navigate this journey, an important part is listening to and really hearing our language. I was sitting with a patient the other day and listening to her words and realized that her words were very special in showing us her internal experience of her mother when she was very young. She was describing to me the trip she was planning in visiting her mother. Her mother was much on her mind. She had a goal and an agenda to arm herself for her visit. In fact, she was very clear that to be with her mother she has to have an agenda and a goal. This trips goal was to take her shopping for a sofa. I had suggested to her that when she goes she might want to create a distance so she feels safe as she visits with her mother. She then told me that her mother does that very clearly. She said that her mother puts everything in her own mousetrap. In addition, she said she wants to go and really be with what she is. She didnt say, who she is, she clearly said what she is.

As I listened to her I suddenly felt something similar to what she must have felt when she was with her mother as a child. Those words she used were so descriptive of her early experience. She was in a mouse trap, and she experienced her mother as a what, and not a who. As an adult, my patient has spent much of her time trying to be close to her mother, and trying to be seen, and to be helpful, and her mother kept her at a distance. She yearned for closeness with her mom. Her mother wasnt able to do that. How painful that must have been for her as a small child. Those experiences shaped her as a person and as a woman who cant get close to those she cares for, and needs to arm herself or even numb herself in order to be with her mother. How small and trapped she felt at a very important time in her life. 

Her words gave us so much information. Her words are a language of the shadow which now has come up for air. Now that they are heard, she has the ability to work with them and with her feelings and her experiences in a way she couldnt when they were buried inside of her.

We all have this idiosyncratic language; a language of our soul. Taking the time to really listen to ourselves is very important, and also having someone who can help us to hear ourselves is also important at times.
As we do, we can develop the tools to create a future we want for us, for our families and for the world.

Shift Your Story Shift Your Life: Meditation/Visualization

We are going to do a short meditation/visualization:

Get comfortable and have both of your feet on the ground. Begin by closing your eyes and taking 2 or 3 deep breaths. Tune into your breath. 

Now think of a saying you find yourself saying, or words you hear yourself repeating. If you cant think of your own, think of someone you know who has an interesting saying or sentence they repeat; it could be, sweet, or the early bird gets the worm, or boy was that stupid, or that is dumb, or anything you find you keep repeating to yourself about yourself.

Take a few minutes with this. Think of something, and let it go. Think of something else and then let it go. Let something just pop in your mind. Sit with this for a bit, and invite the words or saying that resonates with you the most to be with you. See the words in your minds eye, and feel the words, and hear you saying them to yourself or others. How do they feel, and where do you feel them in your body? How do they sound? 

What do those words make you think of? Who else do you know who says those words or sayings? 

Now, let them just be with you for a few minutes. How old do you feel right now? Is there a memory that comes up for you now, unbidden, but you find yourself thinking of this old thing that happened? Who is saying those words around you? What was it like for you at that time in your life? If nothing comes up for you, that is fine. Just do the first part of this mediation where you feel the words and hear them and see them. 

Now, ask you, do they really resonate with me and who I really am, and what my real life experience is now? If not, then, in your minds eye, just let them go. As you let them go, just let yourself be and feel and breathe. Just breathe until you become aware of your breath, and then gently open your eyes. 

If it is helpful for you, lastly, write down the words or saying that came to you. They are yours to work with until you can just let them go.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Future of Love

“Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.”

As the month of October unfolds, the leaves turn bright colors, the sun casts shadows at a different angle, and the weather cools. I see oranges, and reds and yellows everywhere. People get very creative in carving their pumpkins. There is a kind of excitement in the air; of change. As I watch the changes unfolding from my morning window, I think of us as people, and what we want for our future and our childrens future.  As I am sitting and contemplating, a client I recently worked with comes to mind because she too was concerned about her future and her sons future.

She came in worked upabout a recent incident. She was parked outside a clients house while she spent an hour with her. She came back to her car and found a parking ticket on her windshield, and so went immediately to pay for it because there is a window of time where the amount of the ticket is less if you pay within 60 minutes. It turned out that she would have to appeal the ticket or pay a $25.00 fine. It made her angry because she would lose half of what she made.

As she was talking, I thought of her son who she also talks about as getting angry over little things. She worries about him and his anger. Recently he had an episode where he couldnt find something, his karate belt, and felt responsiblefor its loss and responsible for it, as he needed it in a class where he would be a helper. I will come back to this in a minute.

As I go back to my client, I asked her who else or when else in her life did she feel something got taken away from her. She immediately said that her childhood got taken away from her. Her mother was frequently angry and was angry with her and was angry with her father. Her mother told her way too many things that a child doesnt need to hear. And, when she was a young teen and baby sitting, her parents borrowedall the money she had made through babysitting and didnt pay her back. As she spoke more, she also said that her mother would get very angry with her over little things and would call her irresponsible. One example was her fear over forgetting to turn on the oven when she got home from school, as her mother would get very angry with her. This woman felt very responsible for everything. When she was little, a lot was put on her shoulders. This was inappropriate for a child. She didnt have the resources to deal with the pressure.

As I listened to her I told her that a child doesnt have the ability to respond in a way that an adult does. Now she does have an ability to respond, and here is her son getting angry and feeling responsible for something which is out of context to finding his lost item (a karate belt).

She heard me. She realized that without realizing it, she was carrying forward a lineage of anger and inappropriate responsibility just as her mother did. She also sees now that she can break this cycle for her, and for her son. 

How beautiful this little incident of the parking ticket was for her to see a pattern and to begin the process of changing and breaking the pattern for her future and for her sons. We do create our future, and through perspective, and understanding, she can live in peace, the ability to respond, and have a future of love and clarity for her, her son, and his children, etc.

Healthy Eating and Lifestyle Tips:

In this blog is a story about how anger, with truth, can lead us to clarity and the ability to create a future and legacy that we want; one without pain and suffering.

I thought this time I would talk about a lifestyle tip that can also assist this process. As a general rule, I find that changing lifestyle patterns is very difficult for us. We know that eating healthy and exercise and helpful for our health and also for our whole outlook about life. I will share a lifestyle tip that I use that really helps.

Sometimes we do get stuck in reactive and angry feelings. Finding ways out can be difficult. We can forget that our bodies and our minds and thoughts are really one. So, if we use our body to dispel some of the toxic energy, it can help us on all levels.

I recommend if and when you get angry and triggered so that you are very reactive, go and take a brisk walk. If it is cold outside, dress warm, and go out and walk briskly, actively and purposefully. If you have to talk to yourself out loud while walking, go ahead and do so. Actively think about what triggered you as you are walking. 

This way you are not stagnant, and the feelings move through you instead of just staying stuck within you. As you actively walk, think about the immediate trigger, and then take yourself back in time to an initial trigger; what happened when you were young or younger that was so hurtful. Talk yourself through the triggered anger as you thoroughly move your body and find the real reason for your anger, if possible. As you begin to feel tired in your body, and your mind is more restful, then ask yourself this question: what would someone else say or do who is not angry and ask yourself if you can do this also. What we are doing here is combining part of the non-reactive formula with the active walking. Try it; it is very helpful. And again, if you feel like it, drop me a line and let me know how it worked for you!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Our Inner Halloween

How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side if I am to be whole.
                                                                                                    -Carl Jung

Halloween has become a big celebration here in America. When I was small, it was a little fun celebration mostly for kids. We would go out in our costumes; angels, princesses, princes, hobos, etc. and play a game called, trick or treat. We would knock on doors in our neighborhood, say trick or treat, and they would ask for a trick or a joke, and then give out home made treats or candy. It was fun, and not really so scary. These days, adults celebrate as much or more than the children. The children wear many scary costumes in addition to the fairy princesses, etc. Among other Halloween differences, people dont have a joke or trick ready, and they love to scare each other. They even carve very intricate, scary faces on their pumpkins.  We all have an inner Halloween; a part of us which frightens us.

As we go through the fall in my blogs, I am taking us into the future of the Body Presencing formula. For example, I am showing us how we can go from fearful to having boundaries, to feeling love. You see, we all have things we are afraid of. Many of us havent found a way yet to move out of our fears. Fear is really the opposite of love; not hate. 

One of my patients is a young woman on the precipice of adulthood. She has moved far away from home, to a different country and culture for school. Although she has friends there, she is suddenly confronted by so many things which frighten her. She came from a sheltered and inclusive community and family. Suddenly, by her own choice, she is in a different community and her immediate family is far away. She is confronted by herself alone, maybe for the first time. Questions come to her about herself; who is she, what does she believe in separate from her community and family? What if she finds she has different ideas and beliefs from them? She is afraid she will disappoint and be alone.

As this is happening inside of her, she is also realizing that she doesnt have good boundaries. Is she separate from her community? Can she be part of her family and her community with separation; being her own person? She doesnt know yet. She is learning, and it is painful. Boundaries, what are they? As we talk together, she also is realizing that she is merged with important people in her life. One thing which helped her is a little exercise I do with my patients. I brought my face directly up to hers and asked her to keep her eyes open. What does she see, and does she see me? No, she really doesnt. She sees a one eyed Cyclops. That is what happens to us when we are too close to someone or to something. We are so close we cant see them clearly. Then, I stepped away and slowly moved my face a couple of feet away from her. I asked her what she saw. She could describe my face clearly. And even more importantly, when she looked down, she could see herself separate from me. I told her this is what she is doing for the first time, with her family and her community. When she is able to step back and see them clearly and herself clearly, she then has access to at least two people; herself and the other. This boundary shift actually allows her to see the other and herself and to then have the opportunity to love herself separately, yet in connection to others. Fear, with boundaries, can lead to love. In fact, if you click on Body Presencing Hologram on my web site, go ahead and then click in the meditation and then exercise that takes us from fear to love. 

Small Lifestyle Changes that Promote Big Results;

How would you like to do this exercise with me? When we are too close to something; our community, our mother, our father, our partner, and we merge with them, we often lose their separateness and what they have to offer, and our separateness and what we have to offer.

Think about something or someone you might be too close to and have little boundaries with. Close your eyes and imagine yourself staring right into their face, but their face is right up against your own. In your minds eye, open your eyes and see what is in front of you. What do you see? Can you see the other person clearly, or situation clearly? Now, again in your minds eye, watch yourself watching the person or situation slowly stepping back until you can see their whole self clearly. What do you see? Now look down at yourself, again, keeping your eyes closed, and look at you until you can see you clearly. How do you feel? What do you see? If you are used to the merging or closeness, then this might feel a little uncomfortable for you. That is ok. Again, we are just noticing without any judgment. 

You can do this exercise as often as necessary to help you to find good and healthy boundaries and find yourself.

What Do You Do When Things Don't Go Your Way?

“Everyone things of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
Leo Tolstoy

Here we are in the dog days of summer, September. We are thinking and planning ahead to the coming fall and winter. We may prefer warm weather, but we live in a temperate climate. We dream of where we want to live, what we want to happen, etc. 

We dream and life happens. We would love to control our lives and be in control and yet there is a bigger picture. So often what we think we want and what we really want, underneath, aren’t the same things. We live our lives as if we are in control and as if we really know what is best for us, and we complain when things don’t go our way. There are days and times when we get behind every slow going car, we catch every red light, we drop things, we trip and fall and hurt ourselves, we get way laid by things we don’t want to do and we have to do, etc. It is so easy to just get upset when things don’t go the way we would like them to go. We can lash out, get angry, get frustrated, and make things worse. What would happen if instead, on those days, we are able to go with the flow? What would happen if, as we feel we are getting upset or frustrated, instead we look at the bigger picture, and move with it?

It is actually easy to move with the flow than to fight it. Yet, we fight it. We want to be in control. That WE is not who we are; it is an aspect of our ego’s that wants to lead. We are so much more than that. What if on a day where everything goes wrong, we instead look at it as an opportunity? An opportunity to do something we wouldn’t have been able to do because we didn’t have the time. An opportunity to look at something or someone differently. An opportunity to understand something deeper within ourselves?

Today is such a day for me. As things just kept not working out, I decided instead to look at the impatience that was brought up in me. I was feeling so impatient because things were taking longer. I couldn’t get to what I thought I should be doing, and I was beginning to get short with myself and others around me. I felt like a six year old girl, that I once was, whose family moved to a new city she didn’t like and she had no say in the matter. I wanted to dig in my heels and have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. I started to, and then caught myself. Wait a minute, I thought. This is an opportunity to work with my six year old little girl and really talk with her and learn from her and have her learn from me. And as things go on days such as these, I had to push to the side this contemplation to get ready to go to work with a new patient who had scheduled an hour. The new patient ended up not showing or even calling. So, I took a breath. I could have gotten frustrated and angry but then I thought, maybe I can use this time instead to work with myself and maybe even write about my experiences of today. Writing often helps me to integrate my thoughts and feelings. I feel grateful for this marvelous day, and this gorgeous time to do something else, which I wouldn’t have done had things gone according to my little plans.

Small Lifestyle Changes that Promote Big Results:

A small change that I am thinking of is one that is very powerful. You might already do this. I am thinking of just being grateful.

As things happen, and they change, and even maybe something tragic or difficult occurs, we actually can feel grateful for whatever this change brought to us. 

This is not to pretend or hope that things didn’t happen. This is taking in what has happened, and working with whatever it brings up for us, and then, being grateful for its blessings in some way. This gratitude comes with great feeling. 

Gratitude! Find a few minutes each day and ask yourself, what are you grateful for today? What did this day or event or person or feeling bring to me and make me aware of? How am I a little bit better today? And for that, I am grateful. If you have to break up the day into very small pieces to find something that made you better as a person, or was there to help you, then please, do that. 

I am grateful to be able to feel and to write, and to express myself. I am grateful for the opportunity to feel again my little six year old and help her along the way with me. 

What are you grateful for?

Monday, September 22, 2014

Does Anger Linger

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

This September time of year can be hot, and can be cool as a harbinger of the fall nipping on its heels. It is a time of the New Year in the Jewish calendar, and a time of “at one ment”, atonement, for the Jewish Yom Kippur. It is a time when we go apple picking and blackberry picking at the local orchards, and enjoy fresh apple pies and apple cider. And it is a time of year which starts to bring out our cool, shadow sides. I never thought I had much anger left in my cool side, but I am discovering there is still some lingering.

With the swings of temperature and bridge to a new season of the year, and the intent and preparation for the Jewish holidays, it makes me draw inward a bit in readiness and in pursuit of self growth. As I do so, I think about the parts that I think of as me, and the parts I don’t recognize in me, and yet, react to so profoundly in others. For example, if I am with others, and someone gets angry or rageful with me or around me, I get scared inside. Their rage frightens me. As I become aware that my fear of their anger or rage is really an awareness of my own suppressed anger/rage, I can then begin to work with my own feelings. These feelings are really not my essence, who I am, but are manifestations of my ego which developed as a way of protecting me in some meaningful way at that time in my life.

I find that it is usually very early times in our lives which impact us in a way where we get so defended. It can also be later in life with a great trauma as in war, or the death of a parent or a significant person, and such as that.  So, as I begin to become aware of what I had repressed, my own anger, I can then own it again. This time as I own it I have lots of other information and resources that I didn’t have when I was little. I can now hold that little girl and comfort her. I now have words to speak to her. I can now work with her instead of letting her overcome me because she didn’t know what else to do or how else to dispel her anger. And importantly, I can tell her that this anger or rage isn’t who she is. It is a reaction to something; not feeling seen, sadness, some basic needs not being met, etc. 

For myself, my rage began when I was very little. My mother was very depressed, she had 4 live children in 6 years, and my father was not available much during the day as he worked. My younger sister was born deaf and when my little brother was born, my mom went into a deep depression and wasn’t available to anyone. Yes, I raged and was angry. Over the years I got very good at repressing it. In fact, I thought I had dealt with it and it was worked out; as if things really worked that way. Yes, I had worked with it, and yes I am much less angry than I was. And, there are layers which I am seeing which now are showing their selves that are ready to be seen and worked with. It starts with recognizing what triggers us from others. It is easy to say, no, it is not mine. I don’t recognize this in me. Usually it is what we don’t recognize in us which is most hidden in us. Does anger linger? Do other emotions like feeling alone, like being depressed, like being fearful, like being overly defended, and being or feeling lost hide within us in some way? Do those feelings linger? Yes, they do, and the important thing is recognizing them so we can work with them. Staying hidden, they impact us by blocking us from where we are really going and what we really want. Let’s welcome out our hidden parts of ourselves so they can be addressed again and we can live the whole and vital lives that is possible for us.

Shift Your Story: Guided Visualization/Meditation

Are you ready for a guided meditation?

Get comfortable, and find a place where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes. Sit with your feet comfortably on the ground and uncrossed. Breathe!!

Take a couple of short breaths and feel the movement of your breath inside of you. Close your eyes. 
Think of something in you which you are dealing with. This could be feeling unworthy, feeling defended, etc. Go through an inner list that you are aware of. Take this list to its natural end.

Now, this is harder. As you go through the list it will come to an end. You won’t be able to think of something. When this occurs, just breathe.

Now, ask yourself this question: what am I not aware of, but I notice that it really bothers me in others. What bothers me in others? Now, just relax with this question, and give it time to set inside without rushing. Just be aware of your breath. Now, start letting what comes to you trickle in. Is it their rudeness, their insensitivity to my feelings, their anger, their unjustness, their road rage, their denial of what is obvious, etc? These are just a few examples. Let them again, just trickle in and take notice. 

Even if you think of only one or two, that is fine. If you can’t think of any right now, that is fine also. 
Now, Take notice of which one or two stays with you….this isn’t part of me. I don’t recognize these at all, but they do bother me in others. 

When you have one, thank it, thank yourself, and become aware of your breath again. Feel your feet on the ground and the weight of your body on the chair or sofa. Open your eyes. 

The last part of this is: get a sheet of paper and write down the one or two things that stayed with you. Then, just notice what happens in your life.

If something important comes up for you, and you want to reach out to me, please feel free.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Happiness Runs In A Circular Motion

“They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
                                                                                     -Andy Warhol

Here we are in the dog days of summer. The children are back to school, the days are getting shorter, the warmth is still with us, and we are happily watching the squirrels run around beginning their journey towards fall and harvesting. These are thoughts and feelings that come to me as September comes around. How about you?

I also love this time of year because summer still lingers and I have the beautiful fall to look forward to. I am reminded of the song, “Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion.” Happiness begets happiness, creating a loop of positivity and continued belief in what is possible. We get in the circular motion of happiness, and our thoughts and feelings keep creating that feeling. 

The opposite also occurs where we get in a loop of negative or fearful feelings, and that loop keeps recreating itself. That loop is not a fun one, and yet is one we can find ourselves in. As I look at the Body Presencing Hologram of being fearful and moving to having good boundaries, which helps to propel us to love, I can’t help thinking of these fearful loops. When a young part of us gets stymied or stunned by a trauma, we get stuck in a fearful loop and find it hard to move and create a new loop. These old traumas can be enough to stunt our emotional growth in a particular aspect and keep us at the same age as we were when the event happened without our realizing it. What happens then is that that particular part of us doesn’t age and controls us in a way, creating a negative loop instead of being able to grow up and out and vital and whole.

I was working with a woman who was feeling very good about herself and what she is contributing to the world. She began to realize that she was blocked in a certain way and she couldn’t find her way through the block. When it came to using her voice to speak her truth and knowing fully and clearly to others, she realized she would become fearful that they wouldn’t want to hear what she had to say and she would be alone. As we talked and worked together, we came to an old trauma which happened to her as a middle teen. She had been in the back seat of a car, when she saw a vehicle moving quickly right into them and she felt sheer terror. In addition, at that time in her life, she felt alone, unheard, unseen, and was in a very difficult place personally. Her mother had been unavailable. Her father was caught in a drinking cycle and had sexually traumatized her for years as a young girl. She had kind of given up hope. She survived the accident, with lots of injuries, and came home to parents who didn’t really seem concerned. 

The sudden trauma coalesced with the events in her life leading to that moment, and a part of her stayed stuck and blocked at that moment in time. Even though in many ways she had a good life, the part of her which felt like she could speak fully and openly and be heard and loved shut down. She didn’t even realize how shut down and unfeeling that aspect of her was until we started working on this together. She had created a new loop where she couldn’t say her truth without fear. In that part of her life she couldn’t be fully happy.  By using figurines to show her the many aspects of herself at the time of the accident and transitioning to an image of what is presently in front of her as she opens up and speaks a new light was she shed. She can lock in, so to speak, a new possibility… a new loop that can now begin for her. This new loop allows growth and a circular motion of happiness in that part of her life.

Recommended Resources: 

I have developed what I call the Body Presencing Hologram. It is a hologram which gives words, an image, meditations and exercises to have you experience what it can be like to go from being stuck in a feeling which keeps us in the past, to the present, and what to look forward to in the future. Take a look, and experience it for yourself and see what you think, and if it helps you. Go to my website  Click on Body Presencing Hologram and experience it for yourself. Please also feel free to contact me with any questions, observations and more!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

The Four Letter Word That Keeps Us In The Past

"People are asking about the good old days. I say, why dont you say the good now days?
                                                                          -Robert M. Young

We could say the four letter word we are dealing with right now is heat. We have already forgotten how much we couldnt wait for our cold winter to be over. We might even have a little anxiety of another cold winter coming. But right now, we are in the heat of the summer. It is time to go out early in the morning, and to walk later at night. It is time to ride our bikes and go out for ice cream if we are so inclined. The fear of winter is far from our minds right now. How quickly we forget what we want to. On the other hand, how quickly that four letter word, fear, creeps up on us when something triggers it and it is tied to the past.

We are living in the present now, as fully as we are able. Yet, something happens and we immediately get transported to an earlier time and place. We dont seem to be able to help it. What we can help is to pay attention to when this happens and to then develop the words and images and feelings to work our way through this old fear so that we can be here and now and deal effectively with what is happening.

The other day I was speaking with a patient I have worked with over the years. He was explaining to me how well he has been doing, but recently an old pattern began to take shape again, and he felt a bit lost as to how to deal with it. In effect, when he gets stressed or anxious, a body part begins to spasm and become reactive and inflamed. Many years ago this happened so completely that it affected everything in his life. As the pattern has repeated over the years, each time a body part becomes inflamed, it lasts for a shorter period and with less intensity. This pattern began with his knees, and also can affect his neck and shoulders, his legs, and his feet. 

A cool thing happens when we can work with ourselves and see old patterns, where they come from, who they belong to, and the dynamics behind them. Suddenly instead of becoming anxious and filled with fear, we have the tools to deal with our fear and it no longer has to rule us. So recently, his inner leg became reactive and painful. He started to become anxious again and to remember all the bad things that happened in the past when this pattern would occur. This of course fueled his fear and the cycle was under way. 

He phoned me, and we spoke for a bit. He wrote me, and I wrote him. These reminders helped him to remember the tools that work for him. I basically told him that the last time his leg acted up it wasnt nearly as bad as the other times in his life. Each time the disruption to his life was a bit less. He was able to deal with it better. Also, to let his family know that he is beginning to experience another episode and that if he doesnt make a big (fear) deal about it, they wont either. Let them in without obsessing so they can also be resources to help you. This could be asking for their help to do some physical things when you need them until this heals and passes. Let them know this happens to you periodically, and it too will pass. Put light on it and treat it more lightly with acceptance from you instead of fear from you.

With these words, and with the previous work we did together, he was on his way. He knew exactly what to do. Fear keeps us locked in the past. Shedding light on our fear helps us to move out and live and be fully in the present. The other piece here is that when we are in fear, we often segment it and us from others; we take ourselves away from help. Instead, it is important to open ourselves to help and to let air and light in to the dark places. We then allow all that is into our lives and can enjoy where we are now, and live full and whole and vital lives.

Small Changes and Promote Big Results:

Think of something that keeps you stuck in the past. This could be fear, and it could be something else. Ask yourself if this is a repeating pattern, or not. If it is repeating, see what is there for you to learn from. Why does it need to keep repeating? Instead of reacting, out of fear or some other emotion, keep still. Pay attention to what thoughts come to you as you are being as still as possible. Instead of talking and acting out, just be with the thoughts and feelings that come up. As a friend of mine says, dig up some rocks and look at the roots. Give the feeling some light and air.. the root becomes seen. Share the root with someone you trust.

Take a few moments and write out what came to you. Remind yourself that you are here in the present, and not in that past situation.