Monday, November 24, 2014

What Brings Clarity

“Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.” 
                                                                                        -Lao Tzu                             


We have gone on a journey this past year, through Body Presencing, learning what it is, seeing what keeps us stuck in the past, learning what it is to be in the present, and seeing what is in store for us in the future. Along with stories, cases, and philosophizing, I have included many exercises and meditations to help us along this path. Here we are at the end of the year, and I dont know about you, but this year has gone by very fast. At times it felt slow, like through our cold, sludgy winter, but other times just zoomed past. This is life; sometimes we get stuck in something and time goes very slowly, our growth seems to slow down. At times, we pick up things very quickly and just roll with our learning. One of the biggest things that helps us create a new future gives us is a sense of clarity. How can we see things as openly and objectively as possible if we dont have clarity? 

What is clarity? I see it as the result of being able to remove the issues, the ego constructs and defenses that helped us at one point to survive. The ways of being and behaving that developed as a way of getting through, surviving a difficult trauma, difficult parents, etc. become understood. A way is found to help those little parts stop ruling us and instead, become integrated into our being.

When we can see ourselves as openly and as undefended as possible, we  learn to love ourselves at a very deep level. Armed with this self love, we can apply our tools to welcoming our hurt, wounded, angry, lost, lonely, and depressed selves to us. What happens when they no longer are trying to be heard and seen all the time, is that they no longer are in front of us, but are integrated within us. When they are no longer in front of us, our view is clear, and not influenced or impeded by the views of our little defended selves. 

Think about it. If our angry or depressed self is sitting in front of us and influencing our thoughts and feelings, everything we see is tinted by their view.  If they are with us, our view becomes open and we can see the outside and others so much more clearly. As the saying goes, as trite as it is, the truth does set us free. Seeing clearly opens up a whole new world for us. The act of opening to truth allows whole new movements inside of us.

An example of this was shown very clearly to me and a client the other day. She had broken up with a man whom she thought she loved, and found she was still hooked by him when she saw him; she still yearned for him and hoped it would work. I asked her to write down for herself what she really looks for in a man, and also to write down what are deal breakers in a relationship. What I mean by that is what traits, no matter how else everything is, that can make the relationship not work for her. As she wrote them down, she realized that there were not one, but three deal breakers on her list with this man. Yet, she still yearned for him. I asked her if she knew what this was about, and she said, yes, she still is a little girl inside, hoping her father will come back. When she was four years old, her father left the family for another woman. This little girl was traumatized and still living in hope that her father would come back. This hope, which she needed at four, now keeps her stuck in relationships that arent best for her. Her four year old was ruling her in that way. In this example, her four year old little self lived outside of her, or in other words, un-integrated with her. So, she was ruling her actions with love relationships.  As she can see this little girl more clearly and welcome her within her with her eyes open, she can then begin to see herself in relationships with more clarity. The little self is no longer in front of her, blindly, and ruling her, but is within her giving her a very clear view of what is in front of her. In order to do this, it is also important for her to accept her father just as he is, and to understand at a deep level, that his actions were all about him, and not about her. The work of the Family Constellations helps us to make these important steps for ourselves.

It has been a good year, with lots of learning. I hope this journey from past, present, and into the future has been helpful to you. It is hard to believe the new year is upon us. I wish for us all a very happy, healthy, vital and whole new year, filled with love, clarity, inspiration, connection, and hope.


Recommended Resources:


People have asked me many questions about the work of the Family Constellations. If you havent heard of it, feel free to read more about it on my web site, www.bodypresencing.com. One of the tools in that body of work is using image to help see things and others with greater perspectives; a larger lens. One aspect of this is aligning our families in their order behind us so that we have nothing in the way of seeing and moving forward in a new way, with the past behind us. There is a lot of power in that act and in that image. I wish you all the best, and feel free to look at the blogs of this coming year, 2015, as I introduce the concept of what I call, in the mean time. What do we do in the mean time of our lives? 

What Happens When We Jump Ahead Or Go Back Into The Future?

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.”       
                                                                                        A.A. Milne

Cool grey days are upon us with the harbinger of winter. I don’t know about you, but I am an outdoor girl. I love being outside…when it isn’t too cold or wet. So as the days are shorter and cooler I tend to pull inward and to read more and write more. With this more sedentary and indoor lifestyle I also plan more and visualize what is to come and what I am working towards. As we do this there is a warning also. Visualizing and planning have their merits, and we need to be careful not to jump ahead and start going through elaborate and not so elaborate fantasies and imagining of how things are going to be. There is a fine and important line between imagining and brainstorming and visualizing and jumping into the future based more on dreams and the unconscious than on conscious planning which also allows the unconscious to move within us. 

So what happens when we just jump ahead and jump into our unconscious instead of inviting the conscious along with us? When we jump ahead we go back to the future; we keep recreating our past over and over again. Most of us don’t want to do that. We want to create a future of love, wholeness, happiness and health. The only way I know of doing this is by doing our internal work of seeing and feeling what we are doing.  We need to see the genesis of this pattern within our lives and within our ancestors lives. We need to stop repeating the pattern, and we need to  keep our eyes open as we welcome a new way of being and living, which invites living in the present.

I have been working with a client who says all the right words, is very intelligent and good at reading what others want and are looking for, and then repeating what they want to see and hear instead of honoring herself. Does this type of pattern sound familiar? Many of us do this to different degrees. The problem is she isn’t able to do anything differently…right now. There is a fear that she isn’t good enough and she will be left and abandoned. So what she does is, when things start well in beginning of a relationship, she jumps ahead to an elaborate fantasy of all that is going to come and be in their relationship. We know, and she knows that in doing this fantasy the actual relationship is not able to develop. So we looked at the root of this issue within her and saw that her mother and father were teenage parents. Her father and mother divorced when she was three or four and dad left for another woman. Mom was angry and felt lost and abandoned and later remarried three more times, and is not happy. We even looked into her grandparents generation and saw a grandfather that left and had a totally second family in another city. She is seeing how she merges with her mother and becomes abandoned by the men in her life, just like mom and grandmother, and she creates a whole separate world in her mind like her ostracized grandfather who had two separate families. It is amazing how we recreate the past unconsciously. We do this in order to give us an opportunity to heal the past or resolve traumatic events in the past for us and for our families. In the Family Constellation model, we would say that we blindly love our family members by repeating and carrying the same fate as they did. If my client and others don’t do some kind of work to become conscious of these past magnetic unresolved issues, we then continue to traumatize ourselves and our future family members by jumping into the future to try to make and have something different, yet, because of the unresolved unconscious factors, we don’t really have a chance without doing the step by step process, guided by love and understanding.

Jumping into the future, or going back to the future only repeats the past. In my work, and the work of many committed to living fully in the present and in our soul’s truth, we help others to live fully, wholly, in health and in vitality planted in the present.


Small Shifts that Create Big Results:

So let’s take a moment and see how we might be doing the same thing in our lives; jumping ahead when we are in the present.

Grab a piece of paper and writing utensil. Write down in the last day when you might have done this…even just a little. If you can’t think of an example in the last day, go through the week or weeks until you find an example of you jumping ahead in your mind, imagining a different future. When you have the example, write it down. Next, go through, in your mind’s eye to what was actually happening…you were talking with someone, you were at the grocery store, you were reading a book,..whatever comes to you. Go back in time for a minute to that time and place. What was said or what was the trigger that sent you on this trip? Now, instead of leaving yourself as you did, imagine yourself at that time and place and staying right there and being in the conversation, or in the book, etc. See the trigger and what sent you and decide to remain right there.  Go back to your paper and write down the trigger. 

Put the paper away and bring it out the next day to read again. Do this for about 10 days and then pay attention to your present happenings, and see how this exercise helped you.


Sunday, November 16, 2014

How Does Your Family Influence You?

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
                                                                                                  -Epicurus


At this time of year our families become more fully on our minds. The days are shorter and cooler, we begin to spend more time in doors, and we begin to think of holidays coming up which have large family connotations like Thanksgiving, and then Chanukah and Christmas are on its heels. As I am greatly influenced and inspired by nature, I become fully aware of the smell of falling wet leaves and the silhouettes of trees making their reappearance. 

When I was a child, I dreaded this time of year as I would be more engaged with my family and for me, this wasn’t a good feeling. I looked for ways to get out of the house and get involved in outside activities. Through my work of Body Presencing, I have learned to, and I help others to gracefully move, in our souls, from our deep core wounds as limiting us, to using them to be able to live in the present, and then to shape our future. These family influences and early wounds become our greatest strengths from our early weaknesses. As we learn to work with our wounds, they still get triggered and inflamed, but, instead of staying trapped within them, we use our hard gained knowledge and awareness to influence us in a new way and to help others.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and we were talking about how we let other’s get to us and influence us in negative ways. We were wondering how this happens. First of all, it is important for us to become aware of our learning styles. Do we learn more visually, kinesthetically, or auditory? For me, my learning style is more visual and auditory. So, people get to me through their eyes and what I see, and what I hear. My friend is vulnerable through the feelings others invoke in her. As we learn these hooks, we then look at where these styles hook us. They hook us through our core wounds or weaknesses or faults. Many of us work hard to distance ourselves from our family. Even if we don’t, we still have the most difficulty being ourselves when we are with them. Maybe we are merged with our mom or dad, or maybe we get hooked by them and their ideas and beliefs. Our early wounds often began with them, and so they have more power over us when we are with them; no matter what our age.

The key here is for us to know our deepest wounds. Many of us feel not good enough, or are encased in anger or rage, or have embraced being a victim from our early victimhood, or are frightened, or feel deep shame or blame. When we are aware of these weaknesses, we learn how to work with them, and then we learn how others hook us through our wounds. If someone looks deep into my eyes and says words they know consciously or unconsciously that get me, I now know how to deal with it. Maybe I don’t look back into both of their eyes, and I catch myself getting pulled so that I can pull out. Maybe I also listen to words of my wound that tell me how I used to act, and I instead act differently; for me that might be saying no and risking someone getting angry with me and the feelings that brings up in me. I know it is my weakness, and so I do something else like say no anyway. There are many tools to work with our wounds and what pulls us into our tailspins, and as we get more adept, we become more and more the full, whole, vital people we are at our core. 


Shift Your Story Shift Your Life:

Through Body Presencing, which you can read more about through my web site, www.bodypresencing.com, and through engaging in my hologram to have an experience of this work, I teach tools to work with our deep and shadow sides so that we can come out on the other side with more strength and wholeness and health than we had previously. 

One tool I speak of above; learning how we learn.
Think of what gets you triggered….not being heard, not being seen, people who get too close and don’t recognize boundaries, etc.

Next, how do you learn? Are you auditory, and pick up signals and ideas and thoughts from listening? Are you visual and need to see something to really understand it? Are you both?
Are you kinesthetic and feel things in order to understand them?

Once you know your style or styles, recognize how they impact you in being triggered. Was it how they looked at you, was it what they said and how they said it, was it how it made you feel? 
Next sense what happens inside of you. Did you start to feel bad about yourself, did you get angry, did you start feeling guilty, etc?

As you can recognize these two things, you have your finger on the pulse of how you can control and work with how you are impacted by others. 
For example, if you looked into their eyes, don’t, or look in one eye. If you reacted to what they said, listen differently. If you felt it, step back metaphorically and look at the feelings they engendered and actively stop yourself by recognizing what happened and that it is not your feelings, but theirs. 
Now, see how you feel. Did it stop the escalating of your trigger, or not. If not, try it again until you feel some relief.


Again, I love to hear from you about how this helps you or if you have any questions. Just email me at gail@bodypresencing.com.


Sunday, November 9, 2014

How Does Hope Help?

“True forgiveness is when you can say, thank you for the experience.”
                                                                                             -Oprah Winfrey

Hope can be a wonderful emotion to feel. We all need hope. In November, hope can be especially helpful. It can be difficult to be close to a family celebration when so much is unresolved in us with our families, and when our family experiences have been very difficult. We also get filled with “shoulds” during this time. It could go something like this, “I don’t want to go but I should go.” Or, it could go like this, “I don’t want to invite them but I feel I should.” Having hope helps us get through times like this. “I hope all goes well, or that so and so is kind to me, or I don’t get triggered, or so and so doesn’t get triggered, etc.”

When we are little, hope helps us get through very difficult times. Hope is a great help. We need hope sometimes to just carry on and survive. When we feel alone and when we isolate ourselves, being able to integrate all our feelings and all our pieces helps us to move to having real hope. There is hope for happiness, for health, for wholeness, for vitality. When we are able to become one with the truth of ourselves and others, we begin to be able to nurture us at a very deep level and this nurturing leads to hope.

I was working with a woman who is going through a tough time. She has a job she enjoys, but finds she is being triggered by a boss who doesn’t see her clearly, likes to work with men over women, and who reminds her of both her mother and her father in their worst traits. The more she is there, the angrier she becomes. She also gets filled with shame and the old feeling of not being good enough.

As we spoke I asked her what drew her to this particular woman to ask her to work for her. She said that she is a master gardener, that there is a lot she can learn from her, and she really wants to be able to grow and make her own food and this would give her the skills to do so. I asked her who this reminds her of… The archetype of a mother. We spoke of her needing to take time to really grieve not having what she felt she needed from her mother. And yes, she has done this a lot over the years. As we continued to talk she began to realize that yes, she had felt her feelings and grieved, except that she still gets angry and still gets pulled into being with people who remind her of her mother. I suggested that her very young self who needed to have hope to survive hadn’t gotten on board yet to accept the mother she had and to grieve that she will never get what she wanted and felt she needed from her mother. She was still stuck in “hoping”. 

Most of the time, hope is a good thing. Yet, when we are stuck in wanting something from someone who couldn’t or can’t give us what we wanted, we are like hamsters on a wheel. We go around in circles and unconsciously keep inviting the very dynamic to us over and over again. In her case, she looks for someone to be for her what her mother couldn’t. As she is able to accept her mother and her circumstance exactly as they were, and to know that is the way it was, and from her mother, the way it will be, her little self can then really grieve what she couldn’t have. Her pieces can come together and then something new opens inside of her. Now she can nurture herself at a deep level, and then can have the true hope of being whole in her life. 


Shift Your Story: Guided Visualization/Meditation

We are going to do a little meditation together. Go and sit somewhere comfortable where you can put both feet on the ground. Breathe deeply and center yourself. Take a couple more breaths and feel your body on your chair or sofa. Take a minute and let a situation come to you that feels unresolved; one maybe when you were even small. This could even be what you don’t or didn’t like about your mother or father or caretaker or sibling. See that person or persons in front of you. As you see them in your mind’s eye, look at them as wholly as possible; see their bad traits and things they did or said to you, or didn’t do or say, and also see what they did do or say to ways in which they might have done or said helpful things to and for you. See the whole as much as you can. Just breathe with it, and be as far away as you need to while looking at them as completely as possible. Give the little person inside of you a chance to feel their feelings again…this could be a yearning, a helplessness, a sadness, an anger, all that comes up. Talk to your little one and let her/him know that yes that is the way it was, and you had to cope with this your whole life. Let the emotions flow while you also are aware of and hold your older selves with you, so you are together with as many parts of yourself as possible. If a small part gets too vigorous or carried away, hold that part of yourself and reminds her/him that they are older now, you are with her/him, and you now have the ability to step away as you didn’t when small. See as much of the whole picture as possible. Then in your minds eye, let that person or image go. Do this again with another image that comes up, or memory, and go through the process. If it is appropriate, do this one more time. Hold all your parts and feel your center and your feet on the ground and the weight of your body on the chair. Slowly open your eyes.


How do you feel? Was this meditation helpful, or not? If not, in what ways was it not helpful? What were you able to do, and not able to do? In what ways was it helpful? Write down what comes to you from this meditation and if you feel like it, drop me a line and let me know how it went for you, and if you feel stuck, please also feel free to contact me. Hope is necessary to survive, and it is possible.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Grateful For Life

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the 
charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
                                                                                         -Marcel Proust

Come November, we often think of Thanksgiving and what we are grateful for. It is alright not to be grateful for all the things we think we should be. It is even better to let us feel our gratefulness in all the places that it naturally rises. As I am going through my BodyPresencing hologram, November and December of this year focuses on being able to move gracefully into the future. Time is fluid and as we affect our past, we influence our present and our future. So, as we work to heal aspects of our past and our ancestors unresolved secrets, we also heal through time.

At this time, my older dog is asking for help to end her pain. This means putting her to sleep as gracefully as possible. We have a young dog who loves her deeply as well as two humans who live with her and whose lives have become entwined with hers. As the time is approaching I find I have a cold that won’t go away. I feel helpless to help her, and she has been in my life for 13 years with a ton of memories. Many of those memories overlap with memories with my son and full family….so as I am preparing to help her; many things are stirred up within me.

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. today wondering about the connection between my cold and my pain at not having her active in my life. Somehow, through different permutations, I came to the feeling of something I embraced in my life, which is not me. We can call this a family belief, which I had embraced and which doesn’t help me, my ancestors, or my son. This belief is that we need to take care of our family members. I had made a silent and secret pact with my father at a young age to take care of him and his feelings. Does this sound familiar? Many of us have made young, innocent unconscious pacts with a family member. The problem is that we each need to do our own work, no matter what. No one can do our work for us, and as we reap the rewards of how we have lived, we also learn from our own mistakes. If we take care of someone else in terms of their feelings, and over care for them by feeling responsible for them, we take away their own power as well as ours. I was raised to take care of family. It is one thing to drive them to the airport, to take them to doctors when they need help, or to help them recover from an accident. It is another thing to feel responsible for them and for their happiness and health and so to take care of them in that way. The truth is they are responsible for their own happiness and health. I am responsible for mine. How I live and how aware and conscious I am determines greatly the quality of my life….and the same for everyone. 

As I took on feeling responsible for my father when very young, it influenced me in many ways in my life.

So back to my dog. She is taking responsibility for her life and is asking for help to end her pain. I can do that. If I think of me and how much I will miss her and keep taking care of her, I rob her of something important and I rob myself by over caring. I am not a caretaker…that is not who I am. My essence is so much more than that. If I continue to think of myself as a caretaker I am not living my own life. So I feel my sadness, maybe even a little depression, and I move to this new perspective which helps me come to acceptance of my dog’s decision, and of letting her go. I am so grateful for her life, for her sharing her life with me, and for what I have learned through her and from her.

I am grateful for my life and I am grateful for my dog and her life, what we shared together, what I learned from her, and for her asking for my help in helping her to move on. As I let go of my old care taking role in life and see where that came from, I can listen to her and I can accept her path. As we all can make these conscious decisions for ourselves and separate ourselves from what is not really us, we can all walk the path towards having more whole, vital and healthy lives.


Recommended Resources:

Books are wonderful tools for learning about us. I just finished reading the Divergent trilogy by Veronica Roth. I heartily recommend this trilogy. It is a wonderful story and also the author consciously or unconsciously leads us through the characters pain to their growth through awareness and acceptance.

In addition, if you haven’t seen it or taken yourself through the experience, I recommend going through the BodyPresencing experience by going to my website, www.bodypresencing.com. Click on Body Presencing and scroll down to Body Presencing Hologram. Click on the meditations and exercises which accompany the hologram. First, you might have an intention or an idea of what you would like some help with. Use that intention as you work through the hologram.



Monday, October 27, 2014

What Is Your Personal Shift

 “Maybe the only thing each of us can see is our shadow.
                                                                                                           Carl Jung

October is a time in the year with a big seasonal shift. We are shifting from the heat and sun of summer to the cold and darker hibernation of winter. Even though this shift happens as part of our natural rhythm in life, it sometimes is hard to accept. 

There are many things in life which are hard to accept. Who doesnt wish that we had a great childhood, great parents, and a happy life? Events in life happen. Patterns get repeated. We all know the saying, shappens.A friend of mine likes to say, Shift happens. I also like to say, shift your story, and shift your life. It is bad enough that bad things happen to us. It is even worse that we keep repeating them in our lives. We keep repeating sayings and beliefs, we keep repeating words, and we keep repeating our family and life stories. These stories then get ingrained in our consciousness, and so affect us even subliminally.

What would happen if we were able to make a subtle or not so subtle shift in our stories where we could see them in a slightly different way?

This slight shift then allows us to move from places inside of us where we are or feel depressed, to having a new perspective, and then to finding acceptance. In finding acceptance, we then allow internal forces to move us in a new direction of health, wholeness and vitality.

I was talking with a client the other day who, through difficult recent events, was feeling sad and depressed. She was and still is, madly in love with a person who just broke up with her, and broke her heart. As I was speaking with her about how difficult and painful this is to have your heart broken, she suddenly looked angry and closed down. I asked what happened inside of her, and she told me that she just doesnt accept it. She said she doesnt think it is right, and she doesnt accept it. When she told me that, she looked like a five year old girl. I told her that for her to have that internal reaction; something probably happened to her much younger that she didnt accept. She told me that when she was four years old, her father and mother divorced and her father left them for another woman who she always has thought was awful. I put out some figurines for her, her sister, her mother, her father, and this awful other woman. I asked her what she would want to say to this woman, and she said that she would say that he was hers first. She told me she had to accept this. It is true; she did have to accept this. How difficult this was for her and for any young child. Not only that, but she had a few other men in her life who she loved and they broke up with her. No wonder she is finding the break up of this recent relationship difficult to accept. She had to accept a primary break up, with no say and no choice, and then three others. 

As a child, when we have an event where our parents break up, we think when our parents leave that it is our fault and that maybe we could have done something so they wouldnt leave. We also think and feel that then maybe we arent lovable. We think that maybe something is wrong with us, and this too is hard to accept. The shift here is in seeing what was going on with dad and with mom. The break up was theirs, and between them, and yet, it feels like it is about them, the children. Looking at what happened between dad and mom, and seeing what happened in dads life to bring him to this life choice is important. This takes it away from the child in terms of dads choice not being about her, but about him and how life events shaped him and his wife. Then, we can see that what happened wasnt because we are unlovable but because something was going on inside of dad. A change of perspective has the power to shift many things. Shift your inner story, and shift your life. Being able to do this helps us move from depression to acceptance. As we can find acceptance towards what happened and who we are and who our parents are, a whole new world can open up for us.


Recommended Resources:

I have recently put together a Body Presencing hologram where I visually, through written words, and through auditory exercises and meditations, help us go through an experience where we can be present to ourselves in a new way and move through reactions to life where we are stuck in the past, through the present and into our future. 


One example is taking us though depression with perspective and into acceptance. To experience this yourself, think of some place in your life where you feel stuck in a feeling or mood or story. Then go to my web site, www.bodypresencing.com. Click on Body Presencing, and scroll down to Body Presencing Hologram, and give this a try. 


Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Language of the Shadow

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me; and what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
                                                                                  -Robert Louis Stevenson


We all want to create a future for ourselves and our families and our communities where we can live fulfilled lives with happiness and prosperity. We want to live connected to others and yet independent. This is our true inheritance. So often this is not the future we do create. 

We often live in the shadow of our unconscious and compelled to make similar mistakes as our parents, and their parents, and so the patterns we see that keep repeating, keep repeating.

Our shadow side controls us until we can make conscious what has been hidden from us. As October rolls around each year, I am so much more aware of the colder, darker sides of us as the shorter and cooler days make their appearance. Even so, there is so much beauty in the month of October, just as there is inside of us. 

As I explore the Body Presencing model which integrates body work and Chiropractic work with Family Constellation work and brain work, I have developed a hologram. The hologram takes us on a journey from the past, where we frequently get stuck, to the present, and then to creating our future. I do this through a series of words, meditations and visualizations which help us to navigate through our internal terrain. Our future becomes one of hope, love, connection, inspiration, clarity and acceptance.

In order to navigate this journey, an important part is listening to and really hearing our language. I was sitting with a patient the other day and listening to her words and realized that her words were very special in showing us her internal experience of her mother when she was very young. She was describing to me the trip she was planning in visiting her mother. Her mother was much on her mind. She had a goal and an agenda to arm herself for her visit. In fact, she was very clear that to be with her mother she has to have an agenda and a goal. This trips goal was to take her shopping for a sofa. I had suggested to her that when she goes she might want to create a distance so she feels safe as she visits with her mother. She then told me that her mother does that very clearly. She said that her mother puts everything in her own mousetrap. In addition, she said she wants to go and really be with what she is. She didnt say, who she is, she clearly said what she is.

As I listened to her I suddenly felt something similar to what she must have felt when she was with her mother as a child. Those words she used were so descriptive of her early experience. She was in a mouse trap, and she experienced her mother as a what, and not a who. As an adult, my patient has spent much of her time trying to be close to her mother, and trying to be seen, and to be helpful, and her mother kept her at a distance. She yearned for closeness with her mom. Her mother wasnt able to do that. How painful that must have been for her as a small child. Those experiences shaped her as a person and as a woman who cant get close to those she cares for, and needs to arm herself or even numb herself in order to be with her mother. How small and trapped she felt at a very important time in her life. 

Her words gave us so much information. Her words are a language of the shadow which now has come up for air. Now that they are heard, she has the ability to work with them and with her feelings and her experiences in a way she couldnt when they were buried inside of her.

We all have this idiosyncratic language; a language of our soul. Taking the time to really listen to ourselves is very important, and also having someone who can help us to hear ourselves is also important at times.
As we do, we can develop the tools to create a future we want for us, for our families and for the world.


Shift Your Story Shift Your Life: Meditation/Visualization

We are going to do a short meditation/visualization:

Get comfortable and have both of your feet on the ground. Begin by closing your eyes and taking 2 or 3 deep breaths. Tune into your breath. 

Now think of a saying you find yourself saying, or words you hear yourself repeating. If you cant think of your own, think of someone you know who has an interesting saying or sentence they repeat; it could be, sweet, or the early bird gets the worm, or boy was that stupid, or that is dumb, or anything you find you keep repeating to yourself about yourself.

Take a few minutes with this. Think of something, and let it go. Think of something else and then let it go. Let something just pop in your mind. Sit with this for a bit, and invite the words or saying that resonates with you the most to be with you. See the words in your minds eye, and feel the words, and hear you saying them to yourself or others. How do they feel, and where do you feel them in your body? How do they sound? 

What do those words make you think of? Who else do you know who says those words or sayings? 

Now, let them just be with you for a few minutes. How old do you feel right now? Is there a memory that comes up for you now, unbidden, but you find yourself thinking of this old thing that happened? Who is saying those words around you? What was it like for you at that time in your life? If nothing comes up for you, that is fine. Just do the first part of this mediation where you feel the words and hear them and see them. 

Now, ask you, do they really resonate with me and who I really am, and what my real life experience is now? If not, then, in your minds eye, just let them go. As you let them go, just let yourself be and feel and breathe. Just breathe until you become aware of your breath, and then gently open your eyes. 

If it is helpful for you, lastly, write down the words or saying that came to you. They are yours to work with until you can just let them go.