Monday, December 15, 2014

How Do You Know When It Is About You or Not?

“Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more.” 
                                                                               -H. Jackson Browne JR. 
                                                                               
It is December, the beginning of winter, and a month where most of us become consumed with the holidays of Christmas and Chanukah. These are holidays in which the custom is to give gifts to those who mean something to us in a symbol of love and of giving. In order for us to give fully, it is important for us to seeclearly the other person and persons to whom we are giving. If it is truly a gift, then it is about the person to whom we are giving. When we live in a selfish manner by seeing others through the lens of our own personal, separate awareness, is it really about the other person? How do we know if something or some action or words are about us or not?

Most of the time we go about our lives disconnected from who we are and from others. We are aware of ourselves and our feelings and everything is about us. We may not think of ourselves as being like that, and the truth is, often we all are like that. Sometimes selfishness is great and helpful. We need to be able to nurture us. When everything stops at that place of self, then we stop the beautiful balance of giving and taking in this world.
A gift is in the eyes of the beholder. Most of us would love to be able to see us and others clearly. We are separate from others, and yet, in a true sense, also connected to others. 

Earlier this year, I was at a party for Fathers Day. We were all sitting around eating and having a good time. We began to wish the fathers a happy day in appreciation for them. One young man at the table with his father didnt buy his father anything or make a card, or even wish him a happy fathers day. If he didnt appreciate his father and was distant and angry with his dad, that would be one thing. This wasnt the case. He loves his father. He said his gift to his father was him! His gift was just being with his dad. He himself is the wonderful gift. It was all about him. He truly believes he is the be all and end all for his father. He is very selfish, and not in the nurturing sense. Yes, he is young, but he is eleven years old and old enough to have grown past the young years of everything is about me. Those young years are important because when we are babies and very young, things do have to be about us because we need it for our survival. As we get older, hopefully, we begin to grow and see us as separate from our parents and not just take, but give back some. A day set aside for appreciation is a good example of a time to be able to give back. If everything is about us, and we dont want to grow up, there is no separation and we cant truly give. And we cant see anyone else or have something be about anyone else.

On the other hand, as we also grow up, we begin to see that most everything anyone says or does is about them and not about us. We are seen by others through their own lenses. That is why when we ask everyone at a table to tell us what happened, the stories differ. We all have our own perspectives. Can we live in a way in which we also can be connected to us, to see others as separate individuals with separate needs, and to give to others from a sense of who they are? 

This father would love to be seen for who he is. We all would love to be seen for who we are. This father would love to be appreciated. If we give too much to our children as they become older, and give them the sense of too much power over us and a sense of entitlement, that is not about us or about the other either. If this father did this, his actions were about his own self and not about his sons. So he too didnt see his son clearly and as separate from him. In this case, most probably, neither person saw each other for who they are. And in fact, we all do this to varying degrees. It would be a great goal for us to see others for who they are, see us for who we are, and to give and receive in a balanced way. It is possible to do this as best we can if we step away from our own internal lens and know that everything is not about us. By doing so, we give us the way to live with clarity and vitality and wholeness.


Small Lifestyle Changes that Promote Big Results:

A simple exercise you can do is this: think about a time recently when you were acting selfish and seeing something only through your eyes. Now, go through the same scenario, and see the experience through the eyes of someone else there. If there were more people, see the experience through everyones eyes there. When you have done this, write down your experience and also if you now think of what happened slightly differently than before. 

Try this anytime and with any situation. I find it very enlightening. 


Friday, December 5, 2014

What Do We Do In The Meantime?

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.”   
                                                                                -Kahil Gibran      


The daylight is shorter in duration and less intense. The days are becoming cold and we are bundling in our clothes. It is a time for more introspection and when we climb inside of our minds. In this time of year, many of us experience a SAD syndrome from not enough light. This can be a part of us becoming more sad and melancholy. For some of us who feel a need to be more active, this can also contribute to a feeling of being lost. December is the beginning of our winter. This month, as in October and November, I am taking us into our future in terms of living in a future we create from nurturing our past and present in a deep and profound way. As we learn to do so, our future can be filled with love, acceptance, connection, inspiration, hope and clarity.

Many of us experience times in our lives when we wonder what to do about something in the meantime. This could be as we are waiting for someone to arrive, to hear how we did on a test, and so on. This period of time can be fraught with opportunities for our old and more wounded selves to take over. Or, we can find a way, through understanding ourselves and how our past has impacted us, to nurture us through this period of time, continuing to reinforce our new muscles.

Recently I lost a beloved pet. She was with us for 13 years and gave us many wonderful memories and taught us a lot. She was a very loving and generous girl. We had adopted a puppy when she was 11 which gave her a renewed purpose in her life. She loved this little, big dog and generously shared everything with him. They played hard, and loved hard. Frequently I would see them lying entwined with their arms around each other and with his head on her body; blissfully asleep. As can happen with all of us, she became filled with arthritis and could barely walk and was obviously in pain as she whined until she could find a comfortable position for a few minutes, only to go through the process again. We had to make the decision to help her, and were all with her as she was put to sleep. In fact our little big dog touched noses with her just as her spirit left her body. This was a sad and difficult time for all of us.

Suddenly we were in a winter of our sadness and feeling a bit lost as to what to do. Our frisky 2 year old loved to play and seemed to need another dog to play hard with as only dogs can do with each other. Yet, we werent ready for another dog, and we didnt know if he was either. At first a time of mourning was necessary. And then we were in that period of what to do? Do we adopt another dog and take up that training and new period again? Will our dog really want another dog, or play too hard? We were in a period of what I call, in the meantime. What do we do in the meantime? So we at first felt a little lost. We then just went day by day feeling it out. We were paying attention to our feelings and our needs, and also as best we could, to our little big dog. Do we want another dog was a question we continually asked ourselves? That transitioned to, if we got another dog, what kind, how big, what disposition, who would best fit with all of us? Slowly it became clear to us that we didnt want another big dog, and we didnt need another high energy dog. A real picture of a dog in our lives began to take shape. I started dreaming about dogs. Meanwhile, my present companion got more personal, hands on time and training and began to settle a bit more. We would take more walks with him, and longer walks, and sit on our front porch together. I even found my husband and our little big dog sleeping on the porch swing one day.

I found myself on the computer looking at dogs in the Humane Society and Stray Rescue. A couple of days later as I was just reading the paper, I saw there was an event for Stray Rescue on a Saturday in which I dont work.  So, I decided to go by there and see if any dog resonated with me. We made a meet and greet appointment with a gentle girl rescue and the rest of our family..and so it went.

Our meantime resolved itself. We began feeling lost and sad and as we let time work with us and within us, allowing us to grow together, a sense of what we wanted took shape.and it was suddenly the right time. We ended up connecting with a new companion for all of us, and we did this by connecting with ourselves. We created a new future. It is possible for all of us to do this. Pay attention to our meantimesand let us grow into what is possible.


Recommended Resources:

I happen to love animals and to love dogs. Nature also inspires me; I like lots of little critters. They feed my soul in a way that is profound. 

I found a book recently which I really enjoyed reading which speaks of both, what to do in the meantime, and also a love of dogs and how they enrich our lives. The book is called, The Dog Year, by Ann Garvin.

I recommend it heartily, and hope you enjoy it.


Monday, November 24, 2014

What Brings Clarity

“Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.” 
                                                                                        -Lao Tzu                             


We have gone on a journey this past year, through Body Presencing, learning what it is, seeing what keeps us stuck in the past, learning what it is to be in the present, and seeing what is in store for us in the future. Along with stories, cases, and philosophizing, I have included many exercises and meditations to help us along this path. Here we are at the end of the year, and I dont know about you, but this year has gone by very fast. At times it felt slow, like through our cold, sludgy winter, but other times just zoomed past. This is life; sometimes we get stuck in something and time goes very slowly, our growth seems to slow down. At times, we pick up things very quickly and just roll with our learning. One of the biggest things that helps us create a new future gives us is a sense of clarity. How can we see things as openly and objectively as possible if we dont have clarity? 

What is clarity? I see it as the result of being able to remove the issues, the ego constructs and defenses that helped us at one point to survive. The ways of being and behaving that developed as a way of getting through, surviving a difficult trauma, difficult parents, etc. become understood. A way is found to help those little parts stop ruling us and instead, become integrated into our being.

When we can see ourselves as openly and as undefended as possible, we  learn to love ourselves at a very deep level. Armed with this self love, we can apply our tools to welcoming our hurt, wounded, angry, lost, lonely, and depressed selves to us. What happens when they no longer are trying to be heard and seen all the time, is that they no longer are in front of us, but are integrated within us. When they are no longer in front of us, our view is clear, and not influenced or impeded by the views of our little defended selves. 

Think about it. If our angry or depressed self is sitting in front of us and influencing our thoughts and feelings, everything we see is tinted by their view.  If they are with us, our view becomes open and we can see the outside and others so much more clearly. As the saying goes, as trite as it is, the truth does set us free. Seeing clearly opens up a whole new world for us. The act of opening to truth allows whole new movements inside of us.

An example of this was shown very clearly to me and a client the other day. She had broken up with a man whom she thought she loved, and found she was still hooked by him when she saw him; she still yearned for him and hoped it would work. I asked her to write down for herself what she really looks for in a man, and also to write down what are deal breakers in a relationship. What I mean by that is what traits, no matter how else everything is, that can make the relationship not work for her. As she wrote them down, she realized that there were not one, but three deal breakers on her list with this man. Yet, she still yearned for him. I asked her if she knew what this was about, and she said, yes, she still is a little girl inside, hoping her father will come back. When she was four years old, her father left the family for another woman. This little girl was traumatized and still living in hope that her father would come back. This hope, which she needed at four, now keeps her stuck in relationships that arent best for her. Her four year old was ruling her in that way. In this example, her four year old little self lived outside of her, or in other words, un-integrated with her. So, she was ruling her actions with love relationships.  As she can see this little girl more clearly and welcome her within her with her eyes open, she can then begin to see herself in relationships with more clarity. The little self is no longer in front of her, blindly, and ruling her, but is within her giving her a very clear view of what is in front of her. In order to do this, it is also important for her to accept her father just as he is, and to understand at a deep level, that his actions were all about him, and not about her. The work of the Family Constellations helps us to make these important steps for ourselves.

It has been a good year, with lots of learning. I hope this journey from past, present, and into the future has been helpful to you. It is hard to believe the new year is upon us. I wish for us all a very happy, healthy, vital and whole new year, filled with love, clarity, inspiration, connection, and hope.


Recommended Resources:


People have asked me many questions about the work of the Family Constellations. If you havent heard of it, feel free to read more about it on my web site, www.bodypresencing.com. One of the tools in that body of work is using image to help see things and others with greater perspectives; a larger lens. One aspect of this is aligning our families in their order behind us so that we have nothing in the way of seeing and moving forward in a new way, with the past behind us. There is a lot of power in that act and in that image. I wish you all the best, and feel free to look at the blogs of this coming year, 2015, as I introduce the concept of what I call, in the mean time. What do we do in the mean time of our lives? 

What Happens When We Jump Ahead Or Go Back Into The Future?

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.”       
                                                                                        A.A. Milne

Cool grey days are upon us with the harbinger of winter. I don’t know about you, but I am an outdoor girl. I love being outside…when it isn’t too cold or wet. So as the days are shorter and cooler I tend to pull inward and to read more and write more. With this more sedentary and indoor lifestyle I also plan more and visualize what is to come and what I am working towards. As we do this there is a warning also. Visualizing and planning have their merits, and we need to be careful not to jump ahead and start going through elaborate and not so elaborate fantasies and imagining of how things are going to be. There is a fine and important line between imagining and brainstorming and visualizing and jumping into the future based more on dreams and the unconscious than on conscious planning which also allows the unconscious to move within us. 

So what happens when we just jump ahead and jump into our unconscious instead of inviting the conscious along with us? When we jump ahead we go back to the future; we keep recreating our past over and over again. Most of us don’t want to do that. We want to create a future of love, wholeness, happiness and health. The only way I know of doing this is by doing our internal work of seeing and feeling what we are doing.  We need to see the genesis of this pattern within our lives and within our ancestors lives. We need to stop repeating the pattern, and we need to  keep our eyes open as we welcome a new way of being and living, which invites living in the present.

I have been working with a client who says all the right words, is very intelligent and good at reading what others want and are looking for, and then repeating what they want to see and hear instead of honoring herself. Does this type of pattern sound familiar? Many of us do this to different degrees. The problem is she isn’t able to do anything differently…right now. There is a fear that she isn’t good enough and she will be left and abandoned. So what she does is, when things start well in beginning of a relationship, she jumps ahead to an elaborate fantasy of all that is going to come and be in their relationship. We know, and she knows that in doing this fantasy the actual relationship is not able to develop. So we looked at the root of this issue within her and saw that her mother and father were teenage parents. Her father and mother divorced when she was three or four and dad left for another woman. Mom was angry and felt lost and abandoned and later remarried three more times, and is not happy. We even looked into her grandparents generation and saw a grandfather that left and had a totally second family in another city. She is seeing how she merges with her mother and becomes abandoned by the men in her life, just like mom and grandmother, and she creates a whole separate world in her mind like her ostracized grandfather who had two separate families. It is amazing how we recreate the past unconsciously. We do this in order to give us an opportunity to heal the past or resolve traumatic events in the past for us and for our families. In the Family Constellation model, we would say that we blindly love our family members by repeating and carrying the same fate as they did. If my client and others don’t do some kind of work to become conscious of these past magnetic unresolved issues, we then continue to traumatize ourselves and our future family members by jumping into the future to try to make and have something different, yet, because of the unresolved unconscious factors, we don’t really have a chance without doing the step by step process, guided by love and understanding.

Jumping into the future, or going back to the future only repeats the past. In my work, and the work of many committed to living fully in the present and in our soul’s truth, we help others to live fully, wholly, in health and in vitality planted in the present.


Small Shifts that Create Big Results:

So let’s take a moment and see how we might be doing the same thing in our lives; jumping ahead when we are in the present.

Grab a piece of paper and writing utensil. Write down in the last day when you might have done this…even just a little. If you can’t think of an example in the last day, go through the week or weeks until you find an example of you jumping ahead in your mind, imagining a different future. When you have the example, write it down. Next, go through, in your mind’s eye to what was actually happening…you were talking with someone, you were at the grocery store, you were reading a book,..whatever comes to you. Go back in time for a minute to that time and place. What was said or what was the trigger that sent you on this trip? Now, instead of leaving yourself as you did, imagine yourself at that time and place and staying right there and being in the conversation, or in the book, etc. See the trigger and what sent you and decide to remain right there.  Go back to your paper and write down the trigger. 

Put the paper away and bring it out the next day to read again. Do this for about 10 days and then pay attention to your present happenings, and see how this exercise helped you.


Sunday, November 16, 2014

How Does Your Family Influence You?

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
                                                                                                  -Epicurus


At this time of year our families become more fully on our minds. The days are shorter and cooler, we begin to spend more time in doors, and we begin to think of holidays coming up which have large family connotations like Thanksgiving, and then Chanukah and Christmas are on its heels. As I am greatly influenced and inspired by nature, I become fully aware of the smell of falling wet leaves and the silhouettes of trees making their reappearance. 

When I was a child, I dreaded this time of year as I would be more engaged with my family and for me, this wasn’t a good feeling. I looked for ways to get out of the house and get involved in outside activities. Through my work of Body Presencing, I have learned to, and I help others to gracefully move, in our souls, from our deep core wounds as limiting us, to using them to be able to live in the present, and then to shape our future. These family influences and early wounds become our greatest strengths from our early weaknesses. As we learn to work with our wounds, they still get triggered and inflamed, but, instead of staying trapped within them, we use our hard gained knowledge and awareness to influence us in a new way and to help others.

I was speaking with a friend the other day, and we were talking about how we let other’s get to us and influence us in negative ways. We were wondering how this happens. First of all, it is important for us to become aware of our learning styles. Do we learn more visually, kinesthetically, or auditory? For me, my learning style is more visual and auditory. So, people get to me through their eyes and what I see, and what I hear. My friend is vulnerable through the feelings others invoke in her. As we learn these hooks, we then look at where these styles hook us. They hook us through our core wounds or weaknesses or faults. Many of us work hard to distance ourselves from our family. Even if we don’t, we still have the most difficulty being ourselves when we are with them. Maybe we are merged with our mom or dad, or maybe we get hooked by them and their ideas and beliefs. Our early wounds often began with them, and so they have more power over us when we are with them; no matter what our age.

The key here is for us to know our deepest wounds. Many of us feel not good enough, or are encased in anger or rage, or have embraced being a victim from our early victimhood, or are frightened, or feel deep shame or blame. When we are aware of these weaknesses, we learn how to work with them, and then we learn how others hook us through our wounds. If someone looks deep into my eyes and says words they know consciously or unconsciously that get me, I now know how to deal with it. Maybe I don’t look back into both of their eyes, and I catch myself getting pulled so that I can pull out. Maybe I also listen to words of my wound that tell me how I used to act, and I instead act differently; for me that might be saying no and risking someone getting angry with me and the feelings that brings up in me. I know it is my weakness, and so I do something else like say no anyway. There are many tools to work with our wounds and what pulls us into our tailspins, and as we get more adept, we become more and more the full, whole, vital people we are at our core. 


Shift Your Story Shift Your Life:

Through Body Presencing, which you can read more about through my web site, www.bodypresencing.com, and through engaging in my hologram to have an experience of this work, I teach tools to work with our deep and shadow sides so that we can come out on the other side with more strength and wholeness and health than we had previously. 

One tool I speak of above; learning how we learn.
Think of what gets you triggered….not being heard, not being seen, people who get too close and don’t recognize boundaries, etc.

Next, how do you learn? Are you auditory, and pick up signals and ideas and thoughts from listening? Are you visual and need to see something to really understand it? Are you both?
Are you kinesthetic and feel things in order to understand them?

Once you know your style or styles, recognize how they impact you in being triggered. Was it how they looked at you, was it what they said and how they said it, was it how it made you feel? 
Next sense what happens inside of you. Did you start to feel bad about yourself, did you get angry, did you start feeling guilty, etc?

As you can recognize these two things, you have your finger on the pulse of how you can control and work with how you are impacted by others. 
For example, if you looked into their eyes, don’t, or look in one eye. If you reacted to what they said, listen differently. If you felt it, step back metaphorically and look at the feelings they engendered and actively stop yourself by recognizing what happened and that it is not your feelings, but theirs. 
Now, see how you feel. Did it stop the escalating of your trigger, or not. If not, try it again until you feel some relief.


Again, I love to hear from you about how this helps you or if you have any questions. Just email me at gail@bodypresencing.com.


Sunday, November 9, 2014

How Does Hope Help?

“True forgiveness is when you can say, thank you for the experience.”
                                                                                             -Oprah Winfrey

Hope can be a wonderful emotion to feel. We all need hope. In November, hope can be especially helpful. It can be difficult to be close to a family celebration when so much is unresolved in us with our families, and when our family experiences have been very difficult. We also get filled with “shoulds” during this time. It could go something like this, “I don’t want to go but I should go.” Or, it could go like this, “I don’t want to invite them but I feel I should.” Having hope helps us get through times like this. “I hope all goes well, or that so and so is kind to me, or I don’t get triggered, or so and so doesn’t get triggered, etc.”

When we are little, hope helps us get through very difficult times. Hope is a great help. We need hope sometimes to just carry on and survive. When we feel alone and when we isolate ourselves, being able to integrate all our feelings and all our pieces helps us to move to having real hope. There is hope for happiness, for health, for wholeness, for vitality. When we are able to become one with the truth of ourselves and others, we begin to be able to nurture us at a very deep level and this nurturing leads to hope.

I was working with a woman who is going through a tough time. She has a job she enjoys, but finds she is being triggered by a boss who doesn’t see her clearly, likes to work with men over women, and who reminds her of both her mother and her father in their worst traits. The more she is there, the angrier she becomes. She also gets filled with shame and the old feeling of not being good enough.

As we spoke I asked her what drew her to this particular woman to ask her to work for her. She said that she is a master gardener, that there is a lot she can learn from her, and she really wants to be able to grow and make her own food and this would give her the skills to do so. I asked her who this reminds her of… The archetype of a mother. We spoke of her needing to take time to really grieve not having what she felt she needed from her mother. And yes, she has done this a lot over the years. As we continued to talk she began to realize that yes, she had felt her feelings and grieved, except that she still gets angry and still gets pulled into being with people who remind her of her mother. I suggested that her very young self who needed to have hope to survive hadn’t gotten on board yet to accept the mother she had and to grieve that she will never get what she wanted and felt she needed from her mother. She was still stuck in “hoping”. 

Most of the time, hope is a good thing. Yet, when we are stuck in wanting something from someone who couldn’t or can’t give us what we wanted, we are like hamsters on a wheel. We go around in circles and unconsciously keep inviting the very dynamic to us over and over again. In her case, she looks for someone to be for her what her mother couldn’t. As she is able to accept her mother and her circumstance exactly as they were, and to know that is the way it was, and from her mother, the way it will be, her little self can then really grieve what she couldn’t have. Her pieces can come together and then something new opens inside of her. Now she can nurture herself at a deep level, and then can have the true hope of being whole in her life. 


Shift Your Story: Guided Visualization/Meditation

We are going to do a little meditation together. Go and sit somewhere comfortable where you can put both feet on the ground. Breathe deeply and center yourself. Take a couple more breaths and feel your body on your chair or sofa. Take a minute and let a situation come to you that feels unresolved; one maybe when you were even small. This could even be what you don’t or didn’t like about your mother or father or caretaker or sibling. See that person or persons in front of you. As you see them in your mind’s eye, look at them as wholly as possible; see their bad traits and things they did or said to you, or didn’t do or say, and also see what they did do or say to ways in which they might have done or said helpful things to and for you. See the whole as much as you can. Just breathe with it, and be as far away as you need to while looking at them as completely as possible. Give the little person inside of you a chance to feel their feelings again…this could be a yearning, a helplessness, a sadness, an anger, all that comes up. Talk to your little one and let her/him know that yes that is the way it was, and you had to cope with this your whole life. Let the emotions flow while you also are aware of and hold your older selves with you, so you are together with as many parts of yourself as possible. If a small part gets too vigorous or carried away, hold that part of yourself and reminds her/him that they are older now, you are with her/him, and you now have the ability to step away as you didn’t when small. See as much of the whole picture as possible. Then in your minds eye, let that person or image go. Do this again with another image that comes up, or memory, and go through the process. If it is appropriate, do this one more time. Hold all your parts and feel your center and your feet on the ground and the weight of your body on the chair. Slowly open your eyes.


How do you feel? Was this meditation helpful, or not? If not, in what ways was it not helpful? What were you able to do, and not able to do? In what ways was it helpful? Write down what comes to you from this meditation and if you feel like it, drop me a line and let me know how it went for you, and if you feel stuck, please also feel free to contact me. Hope is necessary to survive, and it is possible.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Grateful For Life

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the 
charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
                                                                                         -Marcel Proust

Come November, we often think of Thanksgiving and what we are grateful for. It is alright not to be grateful for all the things we think we should be. It is even better to let us feel our gratefulness in all the places that it naturally rises. As I am going through my BodyPresencing hologram, November and December of this year focuses on being able to move gracefully into the future. Time is fluid and as we affect our past, we influence our present and our future. So, as we work to heal aspects of our past and our ancestors unresolved secrets, we also heal through time.

At this time, my older dog is asking for help to end her pain. This means putting her to sleep as gracefully as possible. We have a young dog who loves her deeply as well as two humans who live with her and whose lives have become entwined with hers. As the time is approaching I find I have a cold that won’t go away. I feel helpless to help her, and she has been in my life for 13 years with a ton of memories. Many of those memories overlap with memories with my son and full family….so as I am preparing to help her; many things are stirred up within me.

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. today wondering about the connection between my cold and my pain at not having her active in my life. Somehow, through different permutations, I came to the feeling of something I embraced in my life, which is not me. We can call this a family belief, which I had embraced and which doesn’t help me, my ancestors, or my son. This belief is that we need to take care of our family members. I had made a silent and secret pact with my father at a young age to take care of him and his feelings. Does this sound familiar? Many of us have made young, innocent unconscious pacts with a family member. The problem is that we each need to do our own work, no matter what. No one can do our work for us, and as we reap the rewards of how we have lived, we also learn from our own mistakes. If we take care of someone else in terms of their feelings, and over care for them by feeling responsible for them, we take away their own power as well as ours. I was raised to take care of family. It is one thing to drive them to the airport, to take them to doctors when they need help, or to help them recover from an accident. It is another thing to feel responsible for them and for their happiness and health and so to take care of them in that way. The truth is they are responsible for their own happiness and health. I am responsible for mine. How I live and how aware and conscious I am determines greatly the quality of my life….and the same for everyone. 

As I took on feeling responsible for my father when very young, it influenced me in many ways in my life.

So back to my dog. She is taking responsibility for her life and is asking for help to end her pain. I can do that. If I think of me and how much I will miss her and keep taking care of her, I rob her of something important and I rob myself by over caring. I am not a caretaker…that is not who I am. My essence is so much more than that. If I continue to think of myself as a caretaker I am not living my own life. So I feel my sadness, maybe even a little depression, and I move to this new perspective which helps me come to acceptance of my dog’s decision, and of letting her go. I am so grateful for her life, for her sharing her life with me, and for what I have learned through her and from her.

I am grateful for my life and I am grateful for my dog and her life, what we shared together, what I learned from her, and for her asking for my help in helping her to move on. As I let go of my old care taking role in life and see where that came from, I can listen to her and I can accept her path. As we all can make these conscious decisions for ourselves and separate ourselves from what is not really us, we can all walk the path towards having more whole, vital and healthy lives.


Recommended Resources:

Books are wonderful tools for learning about us. I just finished reading the Divergent trilogy by Veronica Roth. I heartily recommend this trilogy. It is a wonderful story and also the author consciously or unconsciously leads us through the characters pain to their growth through awareness and acceptance.

In addition, if you haven’t seen it or taken yourself through the experience, I recommend going through the BodyPresencing experience by going to my website, www.bodypresencing.com. Click on Body Presencing and scroll down to Body Presencing Hologram. Click on the meditations and exercises which accompany the hologram. First, you might have an intention or an idea of what you would like some help with. Use that intention as you work through the hologram.