In the Meantime: Trusting the Process

It is often said that we have to hear something at least twice for us to remember it. There is a lot of truth to that. It goes into our short term memory, and if we don't repeat it or use it, we also lose it because the new information didn't have enough time to be integrated into our long term memory. There is another factor I find to be true. If we aren't fully engaged or interested in what we are learning the new material also doesn't stay with us.

Sometimes even if we are genuinely interested, it is just too much for us to absorb. I find that dynamic often happens when we engage in deep personal work or a therapeutic environment. There is only so much we can take in at a time. I frequently get feedback after a session where much inner territory was covered that they can't remember much of what we talked about. I sense that, often, in those periods, we enter an IN THE MEANTIMEzone. This is a zone where we consciously remember a little of the session, and our unconscious is busy at work, in its own time, silently working behind the scene in integrating and absorbing what we aren't consciously ready to see at this time.

What we are aware of in those times is that we don't remember much of the session. What we aren't aware of is what is happening underground. This underground is where much of the work occurs. The underground is deep at work, and we don't know it. We might feel confused or slightly depressed or even a bit disoriented. These feelings are a symptom of the work going on behind the scenes. We are living In the Meantime. What do we do with these feelings of confusion and disorientation while the inner work is going on without our knowing?

What we do is that we stay the course. We keep doing our daily work and living and let the process happen. We keep going to work, going to sleep, doing our shopping and cleaning, and loving and, I hope, playing, and meditating, and thinking, and know that what needs to be remembered and integrated will be. There is an element of faith and trust also; trust in the process.

How do we trust the process when we lost basic trust a long time ago; back when we were not able to have a consistent connection with mom. How do we stay the course when what we have not been able to do is to create a foundational element of trust and faith when we were small that all we had to do was to breathe and all else would be taken care of for us? This major crisis is also at play in us being able to sit with uncomfortable and unfinished feelings and issues without going on the internet, eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, and some other form of keeping busy so that we don't have to think or feel. We separate from our bodies on some level when they, our bodies, hold the traumatic memories, or we separated from our bodies when we had a parent who was too hovering or invasive. Our work becomes about reconnecting to our bodies so that we can think and be with our feelings. This occurs with conscious work as we tune into the feelings our bodies hold. This might mean feeling the butterflies in our stomachs, or the upset and nausea, or the anxious tightening and tapping of our feet, or a sudden headache, or the feeling of dread that might permeate us without conscious thought to anchor it. And we go about living our lives; until slowly, we put together a new piece of our puzzle.

Exercise:
Do you ever do jigsaw puzzles or newspaper crossword puzzles? Take one out and begin to work it. When you get stuck, how do you feel? What do you want to do in reaction to being stuck - lash out in anger, push through, ignore your feelings, inner talk your way through, take a break with a fresh mind, eat something, or what? Just pay attention to your reaction and your inherent need to do something in response. Here we are just noticing so we can get to know ourselves better. Then go and write down what your experience was like for you.