Thursday, August 25, 2016

Following The Thread

"The people when rightly and fully trusted will return the trust."
-Abraham Lincoln


Being in the unknown is a great fear many of us have in common. Letting go of needing to know the  outcome of things and needing to control what is occurring in our lives seems important to us. I say seems because what we perceive as needing, is really us desiring to know something because not knowing feels scary to us. If we can relax into the flow of life, we can open to seeing that there is a thread that becomes perceivable. As we follow that thread, many things that we are concerned about; usually about money, relationships, career, and happiness, fall into place. It is not All About the Base, it is all about the thread. 

Recently I had the opportunity to buy and sell our house. Boy, was that an experience. This was quite a time for many of my issues and of learning to deal with trusting and following the thread to come up for me. First, there was finding the house that was right for us, and there was finding 2 houses which we were sure was it, and not getting them. After not getting two houses which we were sure were right for us, then there was waiting and looking. Next, we found a house and our experience with the seller of that house was horrific. At one point we even walked away from the house because the seller was not willing to do necessary work for the house, and we were sure that was gone, and moved forward. A few days later we came to find that she was now open to doing much of the work we requested, and so the deal was on again. The negotiating was a difficult experience because she kept waiting until almost after the last minute to respond to us. We had to sit in the unknowing and in the place of trust, even with our nerves, as difficult as that was. When I sat back, I was able to see that there was a definite thread leading us along and that it was my needing to know that was causing such anxiety for me. 

Of course, in buying a house, we then needed to sell our house. We put our house on the market in the winter, not a good time to do so, and I thought it was important for our house to sell quickly not realizing that if it did sell right away, my husband would not have a place to teach the martial arts that are important to him personally and also financially. It turned out that almost exactly the amount of time we needed to build another karate studio in our new home was the time it took for us to sell that house. This period of time was fraught with nervous energy regarding the inspections, the repairing what was required, and so on, and yet, as I look at that period of time, it was orchestrated beautifully; not by me. There was a thread that leads the way and all I had to do was get out of the way. 

This also applies to the work I do as a chiropractor and as a facilitator of family systems work and as a life coach. If I get out of the way of needing to know where things are leading and needing to know how things  fit together, they just fit together and go where they need to go. If I can sit in the place of unknowing long enough, the thread leads us where we need to go. In fact, as I sit in the place of not knowing, I actually hold a container for my patients so that they feel safe in order to go where they need to go and to reveal what needs to be revealed for them at that time. We are all connected not only to our own threads, but we are all connected to each other. It is the need we have to know where we are going and our uncomfortableness with the not knowing that gets in our way. Sitting those uncomfortable spaces and opening to the flow of life to reveal itself, and trusting the process knowing things will make sense even with our doubt and anxieties allows us to grow and to know ourselves on a deeper level and live fuller, healthier and more vital lives.


Guided Visualization


Get yourself comfortable, and find a place where you won't be disturbed. Place your feet on the ground and begin to breathe deeply.   Close your eyes and imagine you going to your safe place. Allow that safe place to materialize. This may be a place where you felt safe growing up, or it may be a place that you conjure up in your minds eye that feels safe to you. See the place and notice the colors, space, touch what is around you and notice the textures and how they feel to your hand. Feel the sense of safety you have and let it permeate through you. From this place, imagine you are floating above yourself and looking into your past from this safe, higher perspective. You float above yourself in time and space and then you find a time where you were in a state of unknowing something in your life which gave you difficulty. You didn't know how something would turn out, you wanted something badly and didn't know if it would happen for you, and so on. Watch yourself from this safe perspective. See what you were doing and how you were responding. Notice the cost it took on you, and maybe your family members or colleagues or friends. Just watch and notice. Now find yourself floating back to your safe place and make a gentle landing where you again see it, feel it and touch it. You are now back inside your body and in this safe place, go over what you noticed in your life where you felt uncomfortable, possibly fear or anxiety in the state of unknowing. Feel those feelings and what you saw in this safe place. Now, imagine what you could do differently, what you might be able to do to help yourself in the future when something like this comes up for you. How could you do things differently from what you are learning? Breathe this in in your safe place. This place is yours and you know you can come back to this place at any time. Thank this place and yourself, breathe deeply two or three more times and then open your eyes. Write down in detail this safe place so it is yours anytime. Now just notice how you are feeling and jot those feelings down so you have a written record of your experience.

Being in the unknown is a great fear many of us have in common. Letting go of needing to know the  outcome of things and needing to control what is occurring in our lives seems important to us. I say seems because what we perceive as needing, is really us desiring to know something because not knowing feels scary to us. If we can relax into the flow of life, we can open to seeing that there is a thread that becomes perceivable. As we follow that thread, many things that we are concerned about; usually about money, relationships, career, and happiness, fall into place. It is not All About the Base, it is all about the thread.   Recently I had the opportunity to buy and sell our house. Boy, was that an experience. This was quite a time for many of my issues and of learning to deal with trusting and following the thread to come up for me. First, there was finding the house that was right for us, and there was finding 2 houses which we were sure was it, and not getting them. After not getting two houses which we were sure were right for us, then there was waiting and looking. Next, we found a house and our experience with the seller of that house was horrific. At one point we even walked away from the house because the seller was not willing to do necessary work for the house, and we were sure that was gone, and moved forward. A few days later we came to find that she was now open to doing much of the work we requested, and so the deal was on again. The negotiating was a difficult experience because she kept waiting until almost after the last minute to respond to us. We had to sit in the unknowing and in the place of trust, even with our nerves, as difficult as that was. When I sat back, I was able to see that there was a definite thread leading us along and that it was my needing to know that was causing such anxiety for me.   Of course, in buying a house, we then needed to sell our house. We put our house on the market in the winter, not a good time to do so, and I thought it was important for our house to sell quickly not realizing that if it did sell right away, my husband would not have a place to teach the martial arts that are important to him personally and also financially. It turned out that almost exactly the amount of time we needed to build another karate studio in our new home was the time it took for us to sell that house. This period of time was fraught with nervous energy regarding the inspections, the repairing what was required, and so on, and yet, as I look at that period of time, it was orchestrated beautifully; not by me. There was a thread that leads the way and all I had to do was get out of the way.   This also applies to the work I do as a chiropractor and as a facilitator of family systems work and as a life coach. If I get out of the way of needing to know where things are leading and needing to know how things  fit together, they just fit together and go where they need to go. If I can sit in the place of unknowing long enough, the thread leads us where we need to go. In fact, as I sit in the place of not knowing, I actually hold a container for my patients so that they feel safe in order to go where they need to go and to reveal what needs to be revealed for them at that time. We are all connected not only to our own threads, but we are all connected to each other. It is the need we have to know where we are going and our uncomfortableness with the not knowing that gets in our way. Sitting those uncomfortable spaces and opening to the flow of life to reveal itself, and trusting the process knowing things will make sense even with our doubt and anxieties allows us to grow and to know ourselves on a deeper level and live fuller, healthier and more vital lives.  Guided Visualization  Get yourself comfortable, and find a place where you won't be disturbed. Place your feet on the ground and begin to breathe deeply.   Close your eyes and imagine you going to your safe place. Allow that safe place to materialize. This may be a place where you felt safe growing up, or it may be a place that you conjure up in your minds eye that feels safe to you. See the place and notice the colors, space, touch what is around you and notice the textures and how they feel to your hand. Feel the sense of safety you have and let it permeate through you. From this place, imagine you are floating above yourself and looking into your past from this safe, higher perspective. You float above yourself in time and space and then you find a time where you were in a state of unknowing something in your life which gave you difficulty. You didn't know how something would turn out, you wanted something badly and didn't know if it would happen for you, and so on. Watch yourself from this safe perspective. See what you were doing and how you were responding. Notice the cost it took on you, and maybe your family members or colleagues or friends. Just watch and notice. Now find yourself floating back to your safe place and make a gentle landing where you again see it, feel it and touch it. You are now back inside your body and in this safe place, go over what you noticed in your life where you felt uncomfortable, possibly fear or anxiety in the state of unknowing. Feel those feelings and what you saw in this safe place. Now, imagine what you could do differently, what you might be able to do to help yourself in the future when something like this comes up for you. How could you do things differently from what you are learning? Breathe this in in your safe place. This place is yours and you know you can come back to this place at any time. Thank this place and yourself, breathe deeply two or three more times and then open your eyes. Write down in detail this safe place so it is yours anytime. Now just notice how you are feeling and jot those feelings down so you have a written record of your experience.