“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
This September time of year can be hot, and can be cool as a harbinger of the fall nipping on its heels. It is a time of the New Year in the Jewish calendar, and a time of “at one ment”, atonement, for the Jewish Yom Kippur. It is a time when we go apple picking and blackberry picking at the local orchards, and enjoy fresh apple pies and apple cider. And it is a time of year which starts to bring out our cool, shadow sides. I never thought I had much anger left in my cool side, but I am discovering there is still some lingering.
With the swings of temperature and bridge to a new season of the year, and the intent and preparation for the Jewish holidays, it makes me draw inward a bit in readiness and in pursuit of self growth. As I do so, I think about the parts that I think of as me, and the parts I don’t recognize in me, and yet, react to so profoundly in others. For example, if I am with others, and someone gets angry or rageful with me or around me, I get scared inside. Their rage frightens me. As I become aware that my fear of their anger or rage is really an awareness of my own suppressed anger/rage, I can then begin to work with my own feelings. These feelings are really not my essence, who I am, but are manifestations of my ego which developed as a way of protecting me in some meaningful way at that time in my life.
I find that it is usually very early times in our lives which impact us in a way where we get so defended. It can also be later in life with a great trauma as in war, or the death of a parent or a significant person, and such as that. So, as I begin to become aware of what I had repressed, my own anger, I can then own it again. This time as I own it I have lots of other information and resources that I didn’t have when I was little. I can now hold that little girl and comfort her. I now have words to speak to her. I can now work with her instead of letting her overcome me because she didn’t know what else to do or how else to dispel her anger. And importantly, I can tell her that this anger or rage isn’t who she is. It is a reaction to something; not feeling seen, sadness, some basic needs not being met, etc.
For myself, my rage began when I was very little. My mother was very depressed, she had 4 live children in 6 years, and my father was not available much during the day as he worked. My younger sister was born deaf and when my little brother was born, my mom went into a deep depression and wasn’t available to anyone. Yes, I raged and was angry. Over the years I got very good at repressing it. In fact, I thought I had dealt with it and it was worked out; as if things really worked that way. Yes, I had worked with it, and yes I am much less angry than I was. And, there are layers which I am seeing which now are showing their selves that are ready to be seen and worked with. It starts with recognizing what triggers us from others. It is easy to say, no, it is not mine. I don’t recognize this in me. Usually it is what we don’t recognize in us which is most hidden in us. Does anger linger? Do other emotions like feeling alone, like being depressed, like being fearful, like being overly defended, and being or feeling lost hide within us in some way? Do those feelings linger? Yes, they do, and the important thing is recognizing them so we can work with them. Staying hidden, they impact us by blocking us from where we are really going and what we really want. Let’s welcome out our hidden parts of ourselves so they can be addressed again and we can live the whole and vital lives that is possible for us.
Shift Your Story: Guided Visualization/Meditation
Are you ready for a guided meditation?
Get comfortable, and find a place where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes. Sit with your feet comfortably on the ground and uncrossed. Breathe!!
Take a couple of short breaths and feel the movement of your breath inside of you. Close your eyes.
Think of something in you which you are dealing with. This could be feeling unworthy, feeling defended, etc. Go through an inner list that you are aware of. Take this list to its natural end.
Now, this is harder. As you go through the list it will come to an end. You won’t be able to think of something. When this occurs, just breathe.
Now, ask yourself this question: what am I not aware of, but I notice that it really bothers me in others. What bothers me in others? Now, just relax with this question, and give it time to set inside without rushing. Just be aware of your breath. Now, start letting what comes to you trickle in. Is it their rudeness, their insensitivity to my feelings, their anger, their unjustness, their road rage, their denial of what is obvious, etc? These are just a few examples. Let them again, just trickle in and take notice.
Even if you think of only one or two, that is fine. If you can’t think of any right now, that is fine also.
Now, Take notice of which one or two stays with you….this isn’t part of me. I don’t recognize these at all, but they do bother me in others.
When you have one, thank it, thank yourself, and become aware of your breath again. Feel your feet on the ground and the weight of your body on the chair or sofa. Open your eyes.
The last part of this is: get a sheet of paper and write down the one or two things that stayed with you. Then, just notice what happens in your life.
If something important comes up for you, and you want to reach out to me, please feel free.