Finding Joy From Pain

April Showers Bring May Flowers

“A rose must remain with the sun and the rain or its lovely promise won’t come true.”
                                                                                         -Ray Evans

In true Spring form it has been both rainy and cool. The beautiful flowers shooting out of the Earth, for us to see, are the product of the many April showers. I often forget what I have planted the year before and am always pleasantly surprised by what comes up or rather what the weather has allowed.

This is also true in life; we often don’t know what our tears are going to bring up. We can get stuck in our past traumas and live as if the traumatic events are still happening to us. By seeing what and where our triggers stem from, we can allow new flowers to bloom in us. During the months of April through June, I am going to take us through different cases. On all of these cases I have worked through by using Family Constellation principles as a vehicle to help my clients grow non reactive and live in the present. The Family Constellation principles are valuable tools I use in my Body Presencing work. They truly help us to move fluidly through growing pains to live in our soul’s present allowing us to move toward the future.

The other day, I worked with someone who was stuck in the past and unaware of how to break through her ceiling of pain. She confessed she was both broke and constantly felt broke making her unable to handle life. In the beginning of a session, I will ask questions to help direct the movement most beneficial to the client. I first asked her who in her family was or felt broke or broken. She told me both her father and mother’s side had aspects that led in that direction. On further questioning, she told me that her grandmother’s mother died during child birth. That is a huge trauma for everyone in the family. Her grandfather felt lost and responsible, and so did the new baby girl. An aunt raised the baby until her own father could take her back. I have learned that when a baby loses her mother and father, in a way, he/she feels unconsciously responsible and also feels lost. As that child grows up, he/she does not truly know how to mother or father; not having that experience in their life.

I told my client this and shared with her what a difficult traumatic event that was for everyone. I had her step into imaginary footsteps of her grandmother to feel, in a sense, what that was like for her; how broken she must had felt and unable to handle life. I like to give clients the experience of the footsteps as well as an image, so I also used little figurines of people showing her how that was for her family members, graphically. I put a female figure lying down, as a male figure and child figure stood by helpless. That was a very powerful image for her to take in.

Then I asked her for adjectives to describe her mother and what, if anything, she blamed her mother for. She blamed her mother for being cold, unavailable, and distant. She told me that her grandmother smothered her mother growing up and her mother couldn’t wait to get away. In response, I said that it sounded like her mother unconsciously created space between those she loved as not to be smothered. I told her this was likely a result reaction to the initial trauma of her grandmother not knowing how to mother, and being unconsciously afraid she could lose her child too. Again, I showed an image of the lines of mothers beginning with the great grandmother, grandmother, mother and lastly my client. I had her say to her grandmother, that like her, she too feels broken and unable to handle life. I also spoke with her about the power of generations on us and our sense or belonging. What my client holds in her feelings and body do not belong to her, they belong to her grandmother.

The big piece for my client was when I had her imagine her ancestors telling her that ‘this’ belongs to them, not to her, and to please leave this with them. It was hard enough for them. I then had her imagine her doing exactly that, and looking forward into her future where she can succeed and handle life.

As we change our beliefs, we can change our life. This is also true for unconscious beliefs. All we have to do is to become conscious of them, and the clues are in our statements, beliefs and body. From our tears and our pain come great possibilities.

Recommended Resources:

A great book to read, which also supports these ideas, is The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton. Sometimes a whole new world awaits through an insight of clarity and the willingness to give up old ideas that are no longer working.

The ability to shift and let go old painful beliefs to live in the present is available to all of us. What I have shared with you today is both one way and example of many. Next week I will share another truly inspiring case, which shows us how to move forward from the past and into a world of joy, wholeness and vitality!

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