Monday, January 28, 2013

Is Being Right Worth It?


Is it more important to be right or to see the bigger picture that may be summoning you to expand as a person?

There is always a choice, even when we believe there is not; or even when it is easier to act as if there is no choice. Choice requires us to grow and to see other ways of acting and reacting instead of just doing what we usually do; or what our family, community, and world always does. Sometimes we have to look at outcomes instead of belief systems. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves what choice would create a positive outcome and make us more connected and happy.

I was pulling out of a parking lot recently and was about 2/3rds out and moving when a car swept in quickly and right past me. I just missed hitting him. Instead of feeling relieved and blessed and guided, I felt angry and upset. I drove over to the man as he was getting out of his car and told him (maybe not too kindly) to look next time he turns in and that we had barely missed colliding. He responded by saying that I was the one at fault and I should have seen him. I continued to argue with him letting him know that I was committed and moving and couldn’t see him, so he should have given me the right of way. By now you get the gist of how he kept responding: “You should have seen me.”

We were both right, and neither one was giving in. What did that accomplish? It left me angry and it left him angry. When I returned home and thought about what had occurred, I looked inside myself and wondered what triggered me to that extent. In looking at myself as honestly as I could I realized that no matter who was right or wrong, I perceived that he was the one who had the ability to stop as I didn’t see him. He chose not to. I chose to be angry. My trigger was that he should have seen me, but he acted as if he didn’t; of if he did, then he didn’t care and was going to do what he wanted to do. I felt as though I was not seen and acknowledged as a person. That was my trigger.

Any (and every) time we are triggered, it is always about us. It is never about the other person. As I took myself through this conscious process my anger dissipated and I became very grateful that I was safe and unhurt. In that moment, my choice changed from one of anger to one of gratitude.

We always have a choice. Maybe in the moment it doesn’t feel like it. The truth is that we do, and when we look at a bigger picture and look into ourselves, the choice becomes apparent. So I ask the question again: Is it more important for us to be right or to see the bigger picture? Is it more important to be right or to look at our triggers and as a result take responsibility which always leads to feeling more expansive, grateful, and happy?


Small Changes that Produce Big Results:
Take a moment and look at a situation in your own life. Maybe it was an argument with your mother or father, or with your spouse or your child, or your partner or a friend. Was it more important for you to be right in the argument than to look at yourself and the other from a distance of understanding?  Making this small change, letting yourself gain some distance from the situation so as to see it differently and with compassion, can allow you to invite choice and change into your life. Try it and see what happens as a result. Notice how it feels inside of you. Do you have more energy afterwards, do you feel better, and can you take a deeper breath?



Reward Yourself:
I am a big believer in rewarding ourselves for a job well done. One of my favorite ways is with “a special treat” (as my nephew likes to say). This month make a choice to reward yourself with healthier but equally delicious treats.

This month, make some homemade cookies which are fun to make and eat (especially in the cool weather and shorter days). When you do try using a combination of almond meal and oat flour instead of wheat flour, and add coconut oil instead of butter. The coconut oil gives it a deliciously different flavor. You’ll taste the adventure in every bite.

Each month I will have special recipes on my blog which you might want to read and experiment with. Go to my website, www.bodypresencing.com and go to Contact Gail. Click on the Not  Just Another Blah Blah Blog and go to the healthy lifestyle page.

Enjoy!